A picture of my Bear (the one on the left...obviously) - 5 1/2: serious yet curious, a clear and analytical decision maker, a lover of all things tried and true (with toddler research to back them up of course), a strict follower and enforcer of the rules, and most recently ... A KINDERGARTENER!
In my airy, carefree dreams I say to others, "Oh, the transition to Kindergarten has been seamless, delightful really - just so easy I can't believe it!", but those are my dreams ...then there is the reality of her heightned anxiety, her "safe space" being the classroom (but leaving it isn't so much fun), the worried look I get when I ask a question about her day and her realizing she doesn't have the words to tell me, then ...tears.
Ok - I've dealt with my sweet worried Bear for years...so I fully expected this. I even expected her to "pick her person" and "cling to them for dear life" because this is also in her bag of tricks when she feels out of control in a new setting. What I DIDN'T expect was for it to be a boy (not in her m.o.), and not just any boy but an OLDER boy (a first grader to be specific).
About a week ago she slowly announced, "I met a new friend today". My gleeful response as venturing out of the predicatable and unknown is not easy for her, "Ooooooo - how exciiiiting! What is her name?" (Notice the female pronoun? Who knew?) Her quick response, "Oh no mom, he is a boy." Again I say, "Oooooo" (not such an exicted tone now..but whatever there are boys in the world - right? And she is in kindergarten!), then her struggle begins because she can't remember his name (he IS in first grade after all) and eventually gives up the fight and just says through her tears, "I ch-chased him on the play..ground" and she walks away.
Phew...that was interesting I thought. Ok, that's a week ago...here is our conversation this morning.
Bear: "Mom. I like that boy"
Me: "Yes. I know you like to play with him on the playground, right?"
Bear: (slightly irratated that I forgot the details) "Mooom, I like to CHASE him on the playground"
Me: "Oh Right! Yes I remember you said that." Ok...she's chasing boys - whatever, right?
Bear: (slightly hesitant now) "Um...Mom, I dream about him" Hmmmmm....
Me: "How nice."
Bear: "My body dreams about him." RED ALERT - RED ALERT - WHAT????
Me: (responding with an appropriately shocked face I HOPE morphed into a look of interest) "How does your body dream about him?"
Bear: "It chases him sily" PHEW!!!!! (big sigh) - she's FIVE!!!
FAST FORWARD TO DROPPING HER OFF AT SCHOOL...
Bear: "Mom, there aren't any kids here yet." ("here" being on the playground)
Me: "Sure there are. I see about seven."
Bear: (with a very teenagery (possibly my imagination?) whiny voice) "Yeesss...but not the one I want to see."
Me: speechless...trust me - it doesn't happen often
Bear: (her voice rising with excitement) "Oh look. Here comes a bus. Maybe he's on that one...(then dejected) Oh. That's bus one. He rides bus two."
(and she walks away with heavy feet (am I imagining all this?) to join the kids who ARE there.)
Ok - what is wrong with this picture? Let's count them off...
1. She's attached herself to a boy
2. He's an older boy
3. She chases him on the playground
4. She dreams about him
5. She KNOW WHAT BUS HE RIDES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
All right - I know I should probably just laugh and let the whole thing slide off my shoulders since they are all of 5 and 6 years old, but here's the thing. I spent a lifetime (well about 22 years actually) learning about and FINALLY internalizing this little thing called SELF-ESTEEM! Moreover, I spent the latter part of those years defining myself by the boys I spent time with, and being madddly in love each and every one of them.
So...the point is I swore when I had girls (and I've had three of them) that my re-formed inner self would put off such self-assured vibes that my girls were sure to be solid choice makers and stand on their own ideas and be their own person even when it wasn't the way the crowd was going - and the worst part is I thought I was doing a pretty good job, but (ahem) check the facts: (they are mapped out above...points 1-5)
So here's my question to the blogosphere at large. Do you have any great stories of Kindergarten love that evolved into a strong, self-assurred, don't rain on my parade kind of kid? Cause, I need to hear them right now!!!
In my airy, carefree dreams I say to others, "Oh, the transition to Kindergarten has been seamless, delightful really - just so easy I can't believe it!", but those are my dreams ...then there is the reality of her heightned anxiety, her "safe space" being the classroom (but leaving it isn't so much fun), the worried look I get when I ask a question about her day and her realizing she doesn't have the words to tell me, then ...tears.
Ok - I've dealt with my sweet worried Bear for years...so I fully expected this. I even expected her to "pick her person" and "cling to them for dear life" because this is also in her bag of tricks when she feels out of control in a new setting. What I DIDN'T expect was for it to be a boy (not in her m.o.), and not just any boy but an OLDER boy (a first grader to be specific).
About a week ago she slowly announced, "I met a new friend today". My gleeful response as venturing out of the predicatable and unknown is not easy for her, "Ooooooo - how exciiiiting! What is her name?" (Notice the female pronoun? Who knew?) Her quick response, "Oh no mom, he is a boy." Again I say, "Oooooo" (not such an exicted tone now..but whatever there are boys in the world - right? And she is in kindergarten!), then her struggle begins because she can't remember his name (he IS in first grade after all) and eventually gives up the fight and just says through her tears, "I ch-chased him on the play..ground" and she walks away.
Phew...that was interesting I thought. Ok, that's a week ago...here is our conversation this morning.
Bear: "Mom. I like that boy"
Me: "Yes. I know you like to play with him on the playground, right?"
Bear: (slightly irratated that I forgot the details) "Mooom, I like to CHASE him on the playground"
Me: "Oh Right! Yes I remember you said that." Ok...she's chasing boys - whatever, right?
Bear: (slightly hesitant now) "Um...Mom, I dream about him" Hmmmmm....
Me: "How nice."
Bear: "My body dreams about him." RED ALERT - RED ALERT - WHAT????
Me: (responding with an appropriately shocked face I HOPE morphed into a look of interest) "How does your body dream about him?"
Bear: "It chases him sily" PHEW!!!!! (big sigh) - she's FIVE!!!
FAST FORWARD TO DROPPING HER OFF AT SCHOOL...
Bear: "Mom, there aren't any kids here yet." ("here" being on the playground)
Me: "Sure there are. I see about seven."
Bear: (with a very teenagery (possibly my imagination?) whiny voice) "Yeesss...but not the one I want to see."
Me: speechless...trust me - it doesn't happen often
Bear: (her voice rising with excitement) "Oh look. Here comes a bus. Maybe he's on that one...(then dejected) Oh. That's bus one. He rides bus two."
(and she walks away with heavy feet (am I imagining all this?) to join the kids who ARE there.)
Ok - what is wrong with this picture? Let's count them off...
1. She's attached herself to a boy
2. He's an older boy
3. She chases him on the playground
4. She dreams about him
5. She KNOW WHAT BUS HE RIDES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
All right - I know I should probably just laugh and let the whole thing slide off my shoulders since they are all of 5 and 6 years old, but here's the thing. I spent a lifetime (well about 22 years actually) learning about and FINALLY internalizing this little thing called SELF-ESTEEM! Moreover, I spent the latter part of those years defining myself by the boys I spent time with, and being madddly in love each and every one of them.
So...the point is I swore when I had girls (and I've had three of them) that my re-formed inner self would put off such self-assured vibes that my girls were sure to be solid choice makers and stand on their own ideas and be their own person even when it wasn't the way the crowd was going - and the worst part is I thought I was doing a pretty good job, but (ahem) check the facts: (they are mapped out above...points 1-5)
So here's my question to the blogosphere at large. Do you have any great stories of Kindergarten love that evolved into a strong, self-assurred, don't rain on my parade kind of kid? Cause, I need to hear them right now!!!
2 comments:
I remember getting very strong crushes on boys even in preschool. I was crazy about a kindergarten boy when I was in preschool. I used to pick one person and cling to them for dear life because I was shy, as well. I swear I turned out to be a righteous independent feminist babe.
Mrs Spock...you are the best! Let the pieces fall were they may, she is going to be all right!
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