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If you are coming from Building Heavenly Bridges (BHB), WELCOME and if you are finding me for the first time and looking for support after a loss, then please check me out at my grief/loss blog!



This blog is a series of anecdotes from our life after losing our first child, a stillborn daughter, then going on to birth the two other lights of our lives!

Bear is 6: serious, organized, my cruise director and my time keeper.

The Comedian is 4: She is pure comedy always doing something unintentionaly funny that I attempt to put into words.

Enjoy our stories, conversations, and delights as we embrace the lives of our second and third daughters without ever negating our first.

Children's Widsom - Quote of the week...

Children's Widsom - Quote of the week...
"I Wish Emma Was Alive Because I Would Tell Her Where The Bathroom Is"

Thursday, April 16, 2009

No Longer My Little Cub

Bear's life has been a little bit rough. She entered the world with 'rainbow baby' status, instantly ensuring a bit of an altered beginning, but it only spiraled from there. I can't count the number of times J. and I have looked at each other and said, "Can you imagine if she had been born to a family that didn't care?"

Both for me, because after six years we have FINALLY begun to make some sense of all the drama - and for her, because she doesn't need it publically hashed...I'll just say - it's been rough.

It's getting better...slowly ....with much 'hands-on' parenting. Well, actually I have no idea why they use that word because it is more like 'brain shifting' parenting. My husband and I have had to accept that she's wired differently, and its ok. We have had to shift OUR thinking to meet hers, then use social thinking techniques to teach her cognitive flexibility.

It's starting to work. We are getting better at it - so is she. She is also growing up, which ensures meeting new challenges, but using formerly learned strategies to do so. Yesterday, we had our first mutual success using the inclusive communication approach our family has committed to - effectively empowering ALL OF US to problem solve a conflict, and therefore - (hopefully)finding a solution that works for everyone.

J's birthday is today. Going out a buying a fab gift is just not in the cards this year. It was hard for Bear to understand, but using the above strategy she suggested making him a scrapbook. You do remember my great love (read: borderline obsession) with scrapbooking, right? And those are just a few...

The solution worked - for both of us. It cost nothing as the 'closet of wonders' still has buku unused materials from the past. The result - special beyond what dollars could buy. We escaped to her room last night with pictures from his Marine Core days. She settled into the project, calmer than I've seen her in weeks - especially knowing that all the effort was being put out for someone else.
She picked pictures

She chose and decorated backing papers

She cropped, yes cut the pictures with a 'sharp' tool. And, I let her (with supervision of course), but this was her project, a self-defining experience, and so I smiled at crookedly cropped photos and slightly torn edges.

And, oh my - did she wield a tape runner better than half the adult students I used to teach!

The project isn't quite done - and truly - this was the hardest part for her. She likes to finish what she starts, but the party isn't until 5pm so we have plenty of time. I just KNOW she'll dig putting the stickers on!

And yes - without letting the cat out of the bag I gave daddy-o a little 'she worked crazy hard on this just for you' heads up, to which his response was, "I guess I better act crazy excited about it then."

Yes - Daddy, we are doing it. We are raising this child well in spite of the challenges that have been sent our way.

She is going to be just fine...no - she is exceptional.

4 comments:

WiseGuy said...

Well, By the looks of it Bear is going to turn out that scrapbook mighty neat. Wishing J a very happy birthday!

Hmmm....'brain shifting' ....interesting phrase there!

All the best! Maybe the finished scrapbook could do the shelf for Show and Tell? That would be so awesome!

Martha said...

She is exceptional!!
I am in awe of the scrapbook artistry at your house.

Kristin said...

She is exceptional and so are her parents.

Dora said...

Absolutely exceptional! And a total cutie, too!