WELCOME TO MY "OTHER" BLOG!
This blog is a series of anecdotes from our life after losing our first child, a stillborn daughter, then going on to birth the two other lights of our lives!
Bear is 6: serious, organized, my cruise director and my time keeper.
The Comedian is 4: She is pure comedy always doing something unintentionaly funny that I attempt to put into words.
Enjoy our stories, conversations, and delights as we embrace the lives of our second and third daughters without ever negating our first.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Therefore after uncurling Bear's strongly locked fingers from her seatbelt, one by one - multiple times as she clung to the fabric screaming, "Noooooooooo! I woooooon't go in!", then dragging her in the office door - only to be currently playing an extended game of one-on-one... left me at a great disadvantage.
I was winded, sad - I know. But there was no time for a deep breath because my strong, determined, scared-out-of-her-mind 6 year old had nearly beaten my sweating form again. She weaved around me and darted for the door. I got to her just in the nick of time.
(BTW - The Comedian was narrating for all the spectators in the waiting room. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at our current prediciment. We put on a goooood show in waiting rooms!)
Instead - I called out to the two receptionists behind their glass protector who had been watching me for the last five minutes, occasionally smiling a little oh-that is so cute / glad-I-don't-have-to-deal-with-it smile, then pretending to be very busy, yet again.
"Hey! Sorry to bother you, but is there somewhere we could wait that doesn't have an escape route?"
The rest of the removal was fairly tame compared to the physical showdown. There was a fair amount of screaming, full body shaking, and emploring eyes breaking my heart all over again. But, it was done quickly, and - honestly - her anticipation far outweighed the reality of the situation. Once she realized it really didn't hurt, like we had been saying over and over for the last ten minutes, she became as calm as was physically possible.
That said, I was very, very, VERY unimpressed with this doctor. It's not like he blew my socks off when putting the stiches in - but he was empathetic with her. I mean - he didn't like hurting her, did he? But, knowing her history to over analyze and full-body react when given too much time to think about something (ahem - like FIVE days!), he totally dismissed her feelings.
Bear - "It hurts! It hurts!! It huuuuurrrts!"
Doc - "No it doesn't."
me - cringing as I look the other way, but silent
Bear - "Yesssss. It hurts - It hurrrrts!"
Doc - "No. I'm not doing anything to hurt you. Don't be silly. This is the easy part."
The conversation was repeated in many variations, and I became more enraged each and every time he negated my poor little girl's feelings. For crying out loud, doctors of ALL people should understand how Kindergarteners are still developing their ability to regulate social skills, and something might truly feel bad to them, when we - wise(ha!) adults, know that it isn't so bad.
But - you would have been very proud of me. I held my tongue for, even I knew, that reading him a riot act in front of my already panicked child, and my destined-to-retell-with-accuracy Comedian was not a good idea. I will, however, bring this up with him next time I see him. It is just not ok.
So - all is well. Stiches are out. The Comedian's got a new stand up routine. And - mark my words - Bear will never walk in those doors again without adult persuasion! ** Thanks for all your good thoughts and kind words. Knowing you are out there thinking of us really helps!
** - Just wait until we tell her about the tooth that's being pulled at the end of March! *sigh*
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
They are coming out today - at 2:45. Think good, non-anxiety thoughts for both of us!
The Comedian is coming this time - Ha! That should make for an amusing re-telling!!
Oh- and be sure to check out the Children's Wisdom Quote for this week above this post. It is a doosy!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
For me - it's medical. Regardless of my forehood label: "I parent after a loss" (I swear it sometimes feel like I wear one) - I think this would have been my fear. Add in a fair amount of medical intervention / action with my rainbow baby in her first few years of life and my fear of the medical (read: her dying too) is fairly consistent.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am not an overeactor! I'm not - I swear. I have worked very hard to show calm with body and my words so as not to induce her anxiety to kick in any worse that typically does. "Oooooh - You got a scrape. Eh- not a biggie...let's clean it off."
And- just to show that I play fair with this approach. I can even meet some "owies" with humor. I mean, I did run for the camera as I was waiting for our neighbor to come help me pull apart the freakishly hard slats The Comedian got her hand stuck in. "Smile" I said as her hand swelled. (fun fact: coconut wood is HARD AND HEAVY!)
But - the fact is if Oh God - what happened? runs through your mind every time the phone rings then eventually, you are bound to get "the call". Mine came this morning as I was finishing my Turbo Jam workout.
Check the caller id...register shows from the friend's house
Oh Holy God
Breathing heavily I answered, "Hello?"
She had been sledding. It was an accident. Her cheek met a shovel.
Her panic attack didn't happen until the doc tried to numb the area. Her whole body shook even as he stitched, regardless of the fact that she couldn't feel a thing. As I held her shaking hand, my calm (for I had done very well!) started to fade. It began from the inside out. I felt sick to my stomach as she screamed for me. I was a foot away from her face, talking - singing, but completely unable to help her.
My mind travelled. She was one. The birthday party was a great success, I thought as I packed our bag for the hospital. The next day I watched through the narrow window as her dad held her. She screamed hysterically as they lowered the mask to her face. I am supposed to be in there. I am supposed to be comforting my child. Oh God - why is this happening? Why can't I help her? And then - she went limp, a rag doll of a body in her father's arms. The surgery took hours, and I held that baby as she came back to life - a myrid of emotions consuming me.
The miracle is that at 6 years old, today was our first blood emergency, first stiches. I'm not sure either of us could have handled it sooner. I am quite proud of both of us.
"I think every girl who was so very brave for her stiches totally deserves a special treat, don't you?" I said. And she grinned, as well as half a numb face would allow, as we both bit into our BIG peanut butter cup.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
at 8am this morning I found the opposite phrase an absolute fact.
Monday, February 16, 2009
That is the first thing I thought when I saw this, an email with "The best commercial in Europe" in the subject line. At first glance, it made me laugh out loud. I wonder if that dad will handle this well? I thought. After all, I have been know to turn to a perfect stranger and say with a committed smile, "Parenting in public is really hard." It is.
But I have to believe that creator of this ad is A) single, B) not a parent, C) a condom maker or (most probaby) D) all of the above. For any parent, gender aside, who has lived through a loss would look at this screaming child in the sweetie section and smile wrily at the fact that they get to discipline a child - what a blessing.
Hmm....can a fictional character be a dbm? How about a llama? Because she handled that frozen isle mess with some measure of tact AND took that little llama out for ice cream afterwards.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I can plan by the month...
Or, by the week...
It has all the typical calendar and holiday features - and is complete with a "support" section in the back - defined as Family and Friends, School, and Babysitter info. This made sense to me, but then I kept flipping.
Maybe that is why I love my new planner so much. It makes me feel like I live in a world where handymen, housekeepers, and random streetcorner gift givers exist!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Labor intensive factor - EXTREME
Kid Count: 12
After Math- EXTREME
Kid Count - 10 (including mine!)
Cake? Naw - that has gluten! How about a choice of vanilla or choc birthday pudding?
I don't know why it took me so long to figure this out! Bear had her five friends and they focused with laser intensity on their project for nearly the WHOLE party! The Comedian had two friends who made playdough in the other room and were just so calm and "in their element". I commentated to everyone, multiple times, "Woah- is this the calmest party ever, or is it just me?"
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Six feels murky, undefinable. She's taller and made a full transition to girly girl, complete with stick on earrings, princess rings and varied length necklaces every day. She love peanut butter and fluff sanwiches. She made the transition to gluten free eating last summer and with only a moddecum of frustration. She's exploring the world in her own way, independent of me for a great majority of each and every day. It is a year of exciting transition for her - it is scary for me.
Please enjoy these annual shots of my middle child - my rainbow baby. My sweet and salty girl, my cruise director, my time keeper, the generational image of a mini-me.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Right - That's Tigger. The king of the castle for years. He would have caught and killed this mouse in record time. Doesn't he just look like a hunter?
It looked much like this.
Sally bats at the mouse.
And this went on, through breakfast - through teeth brushing, through hair ties and barretts, through backpack packing and boots and coats.
In fact, as we walked out the door. I yelled to DH who had an appointment later in the morning so was enjoying a rare sleep in, "Hooooney - when you get up Sally might need your help. Bear said, "Eeew." The Comedian yelled back towards the door too, "Bye Sally. Bye Mouse. Have a fun day playing.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Birthday Show and Tell will be next week, when I have sifted through ALL the pictures! But, just to hold you over...here is the Birthday Pudding, with whipped cream and a cherry - naturally!