The Bear And The Comedian (parenting after loss)

Technical Break

2010-01-28T03:58:00.000-08:00

"Will we have to leave your computer at the doctor?" Comedian asked me yesterday.

We did.

It lives at St.ap.les for a few days...

I hi-jacked my husbands to get this out...but no good birthday pics till next week! Sorry!

The tech mentioned something in passing like, 'possible hard drive failure'. Pray that he's wrong!!!

On the Eve of a Birthday

2010-01-25T04:29:00.001-08:00

Comedian turns five tomorrow. It astounds me and not just in that 'how can you be so old already - where has the time gone' kind of way that people regularly lament on.

Oh, I feel that too. But, mostly I'm struck by how I don't have babies anymore. Eleven days from now, Bear turns 7. My answer for, "How old are they?" will become, "Five and Seven".

They were my rainbow babies. They were my tangible parallel to Emma's non-existance. Cognitively I knew that they were individuals, but really - what do babies do? Their actions and sounds as infants, toddlers and beyond were all things Emma would have done: eat, sleep, cry, sit, crawl, walk, sign, talk...etc.

Watching them follow the prescribed pattern of development settled a parallel existance for their sister in some way. I knew there was a time delay, but the invisiblity of the ties made it easy to forget.

But now, they are entering a new phase of their lives. They are beginning the 'school years'. Otherwise known as the years when their actions are designed by their choices, and subsequently, the natural consequences they will face equally decided by the choices they made.

This is where Bear's and Comedian's paths diverge, not just from each other, but from Emma's too. No longer can I endulge in parallel visualization. Emma's nine year old self would be exploring her identity, defining her world one day, one decision at a time.

Comedian has been having what we fondly call a 'mini mid-life crisis' the last few weeks. She is unable to do anything for herself anymore that she had previously mastered: dressing, teeth brushing, putting on coats, boots, opening doors. You name it, she seems temporarily unable to complete the task. She is literally butting heads with the idea of turning five.

I am a modern kids like structure kind of mother. I am a set-the-expectation, then follow through kind of mother. I am a give two positive choices then wait kind of mother. And so, I stand, face firm and words firmer, "You can do it at school. You can do it at home. I'll wait" then turn my back and listen to the tantrum that ensues when the truth is I kind of want to do the same thing.

I'd love to throw myself down on the floor, beat my fists and feet while screaming No! Don't grow up. I'm not ready for the next phase either!"

Alas, numbers do not lie. One thousand eight hundred and twenty five days have elapsed since the day my last baby was born.

She is five tomorow. She will bust through the wall of indifference about growing up. I will let her and follow. I have no choice.

Daily Picture Post - #9 - The Girl With The Broken Shoe

2010-01-22T03:56:00.001-08:00

Ya see, sometimes being the receiver of hand-me-downs just doesn't make any sense.

You would think that having an older sister born in the same season would make everything hand-me-downable, but no-where in this home do we seem to have a size 12 shoe to fit Ms. Comedian's foot.

The only thing I can think is that a big growing bear of 5 years old skipped the 12's and went directly to 13's -- for I have plenty of those!

And so, we had a phenomenon round these parts on Wednesday that doesn't happen very often! We bought something brand-spankin' NEW for Comedian!

Here is the old shoe - size 11. Literally with the stuffing falling out of it! (And, in a shockingly un-mother-of-the-year move I made her wear them like this for nearly two whole weeks and I conducted a very throrough 'we must have a size 12 here somewhere' search!)

And here she is, bemusedly, disposing of said shoe.

And, ta-da-de-da...here are the sparkly, never had another's foot in them shoes she now wears EVERYWHERE!!

Have a great day!

Daily Picture Post #7

2010-01-21T04:13:00.000-08:00

What happens after an afternoon of errands and fun with mommy!

Daily Picture Post #? - Whoa Baby!

2010-01-20T03:38:00.001-08:00

As you all know - Comedian has my love-of-baby gene.

This is one of my fav pics after Christmas. We are heading to church. It took longer to get 'the baby' (Elizabeth) ready then herself.

Guess what's in the bag?

Daily Picture Post #5

2010-01-15T03:48:00.000-08:00

If ever there was a fairy godmother -- that is our Auntie E, featured in the previous picture. Technically, she's Comedian's Godmother but since Bear's proved herself defunct in the early years, she's taken over for her too.

Now, she loves these girls like her very own and showers them with affection.

Today's pictures is one of my summer favs....

Ah, the short sleeves, the short skirts -- means it was WARM! And, for some reason I can't resist a kodak moment of my three lovies from the back.

Till tomorrow...

Picture only post #4

2010-01-14T03:39:00.000-08:00

This one's for a special lady...who always gets the best pics with my girls!

Daily Picture Post - Belated

2010-01-13T11:43:00.001-08:00

See? I knew that would happen. Yeah, so my body decided to play host to another virus for couple days but still.

Anyway, I guess that last pic wasn't such a gimme. It was the moment the guitars were unveiled at Christmas and their amazement at actually receiving them!

Me: musing at the computer. "What picture should I use today?"

Comedian: "Use Emma! Use Emma!"

Me: "Oh, Emma isn't on this site. This is about you and Bear."

Comedian: "Oooooo, can I pick?

And so, today's picture is chosen by your very own soon-to-be-five -year-old Comedian.

I think, at most, you can give it a subtitle...that should be fun.

Daily Picture Post - #3

2010-01-11T04:11:00.000-08:00

Don't have time for the whole story -- with backstory -- but the mini version is:

my father has played the guitar for most of his life

I refused to learn from him as a youngster -- mostly because I was a pesky 'say no to whatever you want' kid.
He and my mom got the girls guitars for Christmas.
The image is of his first formal guitar lesson with Bear.
Because she is too young to know the 'defiance' drill with Nana and Papa -- she is loving them!

Hence, warming my heart and making me wish that I had made a few different choices many years ago.

Today's pic should be a gimme....

Daily Picture Post - #2

2010-01-10T06:24:00.001-08:00

Well, yesterday's kick off to this 'user friendly' way of posting was fun.

Thanks Kristin for playing along. Your idea made me laugh -- especially since it was WAY more interesting and drama filled than the real deal.

The dress was from a semi-formal in college at my then boyfriend's fraternity. I'll see if I can dig out a pic of ME in the dress.

Today's picture really tests my ability to NOT narrate. For me, it's poetry in motion. You?

There's Always A Way

2010-01-09T15:57:00.000-08:00

Ever since I started blogging, a year and change ago, I have walked, talked, and thought like one.

And, although my computer time hasn't allowed me much antic retelling, Comedian thigh-slapping, or Bear tales lately, I realllllly want to keep this up.

So, while I nod before the reality: There is only so much time in a working day and, Cara, no matter how much you slice it you don't have enough to post like you used to... I am of the "there's more than one way to skin a cat" mentality.

I am also of the 'even though it often stresses me out more than I was before multitasking at least three things at once is how I roll' generation.

Hence, it would seem possible to 1) start the coffemaker, 2)set out breakfast and 3) oh - say, upload a picture with a question, but without a wordy story or description to a blog.

Now I know that best laid plans often fall to the wayside, but still - worth a shot, yes?

And, what better day to start than a - Sunday! I can see this being a character building lesson for me as well for, short on words, is a phrase people have rarely, if ever, used to describe me.

Forcing myself to put the image, and not my interpretation of it, out there will be good.

Who knows, perhaps your interpretation will be right on, or make me laugh, or cry.

Why not start right now? I am a fancy dress. When did I enter Cara's life and why?

Show and Tell : An Artist's Way

2009-12-30T19:27:00.000-08:00

Per my recent post, it is no secret that my Comedian is the talker. (and the singer too -- if you haven't listened to her I love my whole family song, it's worth two minutes!) She processes Emma's existence, lack of physical being, and place in this family in a stream-of-consciousness way that can only be described as adorably bittersweet.

Bear, on the other hand, speaks rather infrequently, but poignantly, about her sister. She is the more capable of the two with regard to abstract thought making our conversations shorter and more to the point.

When you ask her how many kids are in our family her answer is an immediate, "three", her voice clearly conveying this is our normal, why should it be odd that we can't see her?

Just yesterday, when the difficult to latch front door swung open on its own, Bear slid past me to shut it. "Oh, Emma's here" she said, as normally as if she was noting the arrival of the mail.

I smiled. She gets it. It warms my heart.

The normalization of this within our home and how she takes it into the real world, however, is becoming a bit tricky. I always knew the two would eventually intersect, but thought of it continually as a futuristic challenge. A, 'we'll cross that bridge when we get there' kind of issue.

Well, we are there. I opened her Friday folder on the last day of school before vacation and found this.

Predictably, I burst into tears, savoring the moment and the message. My nearly 7 year old girl embracing her heavenly sister and the choices we make as parents in one card. With tears still in my eyes I turned to my husband and said, "Sometimes, it all makes sense. It is all worth it."

And then, I wondered how this card had been received by her teachers, by her classmates (if they saw it), what possessed her to do it in the first place, if there had been a residual conversation about it, or not.

True to form, Bear did not expand on her school experience. I simply told her how much this meant to me and asked if I could put it in her sister's scrapbook.

Her bright smile was answer enough.

My three girls are all alive in spirit, shining brightly this holiday season. The joy I have found in that is overwhelmingly beautiful.

I hope that you have shared a similar moment this holiday. Have you? In addition to seeing what everyone else is showing and telling, will you share your moment?

xoxo - Cara

Show and Tell: The Resolution of Uncertainty (living children pictured)

2009-12-02T17:56:00.000-08:00

Although Bear is clearly the mirror image of me, Comedian carries my love-of-everything-baby gene. She even insisted in taking her to the resturant on Thanksgiving!

I carried a baby doll everywhere with me for the first decade of my life. And not just any baby doll, THAT baby doll she's holding! Elizabeth has been re-introduced to the next generation of the family and she isn't too much worse for the storage wear!

Hence, my mild shock last July when Comedian first met her newest cousin at the hospital and recoiled a bit.

But, after his tiny-babyness had worn off and he became even the slightest bit interactive she began to dote on him. That's my girl. I always knew you would!

This Monday he came to stay with us for a couple hours. He is four months old. She was so at ease with him, he may easily have been baby-doll Elizabeth.

And he, equally loved in the arms of his cousin! Making memories with him is so much fun! What is the rest of the class showing and telling?

Show and Tell - "The I Love My Whole Family Song"

2009-11-24T17:43:00.000-08:00

I haven't been in class for a while. Extracurriculars have been keeping me pretty busy! But, I'm back and so very glad to be.

Comedian has entered a contemplative phase with regards to Emma and her place in our family. I remember Bear doing it too, but being so concrete, it was a quick phase with brief questions and seemingly satisfactory answers.

Comedian is less inclined to move on. She talks about Emma alot, a-l.o.t! But instead of asking lots of clarifying questions (like Bear did) she seems to be sure of her facts and just likes saying them over and over.

For example: "Bear is my sister. I am Bear's sister too. We are a family. Emma is a sister too. We have three kids. But Bear is here and I am here and Emma is not. Mom, remember when Emma died in your belly? She almost came out but she died. Then Bear came in your belly and she didn't die. Then I came out of your belly and I didn't die either. So, Bear's here, and I'm here, and Emma is fake."

Hmmm. Ok. I was with her until the 'fake' part. But I get it. I can see why she would use that word. I mean, all she has to go on are a couple of pictures of a baby on the wall, a few toys we say were Emma's and a trillion stories told over and over by us, her mother and father. She has no memories of visiting her in the hosptial or watching my belly grow and feeling her sister kick. She inherited the loss, gained an invisible sister - if you will.

So, we keep talking. And will keep talking. And most of those conversations seem to happen in the car on the way to school. And, more often than not, she breaks into song. And, because I have a new camera I am now able to keep my old camera in the car. So, I was able to quick grab it and hit 'record' on the video feature and get one of those conversations / (prompted segways) into song, just for your benefit.

WARNING: Don't actually watch the video, unless looking at an over exposed, jostling tissue box is your idea of good media.

I suggest closing your eyes and just listening to my sweet girl work through it, yet again. It wasn't nearly the first time and won't be the last.

And that is how it ends, every time, a tender, contemplative moment let go with a, "Hey mommy, did you know?..."

Did you sigh? Admit it, her little voice touches, yes? Oh, and don't forget to see what everyone else is showing and telling!

Re-Entry

2009-11-24T17:25:00.000-08:00

Wow - this blog has been neglected. My children, you will be glad to know, have not. I have updated the pictures on the sidebar to represent the season change, and will have to do so again soon when the (whisper it) white stuff arrives, and plan to post a comeback show and tell tomorrow that is sure to melt any heart!

Since I have last posted they have grown so much. Yes, in a month they have not only become taller, but also more grown up indicating that their birthdays are really just around the corner and I can't deny it one more minute.

Soon, very soon, I will have a five and seven year old. whew. That just doesn't seem possible.

And not just because time flies and we all can't seem to figure out where the years went. But, because I truly can't remember a great deal of their littleness. I know. It sounds odd. No, it sounds terrible, but it's true.

The long and short of it is this. I lost a baby. I broke. A few years later I had another one and she lived. I had proved to myself that I could make, grow, and deliver a healthy child - and then what? I did it again, just to be sure.

And during that time, the trying, then growing, then being amazed she was here, was chaos - both in my world and within my soul. I had no idea how to reconcile the emotion and grief that was still churning within me with the screaming, struggling to latch-on-baby, gifted to me.

I had only thought as far as that first cry, the measuring of the cord, the lightness of a baby holding some of her own weight in my arms. The rest was a mystery.

I think I'm finally getting it now, how to live with Emma's spirit and live moments with my walking, talking kids. The integration has happened and it is lovely, inspiring more than one contented, if not a little bitersweet smile from me daily. Yet with it has come a new grief. A wave of guilt that I did know how to 'just be' with my babies when they were little. That the 'they might still die any minute' fear led my life instead of allowing joy to overwhelm me.

I missed it. It didn't just go too fast, I truly missed parts of their infancy. I never stopped. It's true you can stay busy enough that you don't have time to fall apart. I wish I had. Our time together would have been better for it.

I know what I must do. I know I have to sit with these reality of memories, forgive myself, and let it go.

I know, but it's not easy.

The upside? They don't remember any of this. It is my internal dragon to slay.

Onguard dragon.

Well, till tomorrow then and be sure to come back -- for my show and tell is a perfect example of how the memory of my first and the realness of my others co-exist now.

Oh - and part of it is video...

A Bear's Revenge

2009-10-09T16:38:00.000-07:00

She sat in the back seat, face contorted with a mixture of frustration and anger. Her hands were balled into fists and even through the angled, reflection of the kiddie-spy mirror mini-vans are readily equip with, I could see her muscles flexing.

She was mad because the bank teller forgot to give, and conversely, I forgot to ask for the super cheezy, but expected sticker typically doled out with a trip through the drive-through.

When she opened her mouth to speak I braced myself for a spluttered streak of inappropriatness. "She's so stupid. How could she forget. Next time I'm getting a million" perhaps.

Instead, her features still resembling someone who had been tricked into sucking a tart lemon she fumed, "That was NOT fair to fair. She should be ASHAMED of herself. NEXT time I'm getting two"

Physically, I tried not to burst out laughing. Mentally, I gave myself a 'job well done' parenting pat on the back.

I mean, for one so clearly 'wronged' she followed the well taught and preached format: (1)identify the issue, (2)say how you feel about it, and (3) think how you can solve the problem in the future.

Oh my Bear, may you never be crossed by the sticker gods again.

Show and Tell: Applesauce and Ambulances

2009-10-07T14:47:00.000-07:00

BEAR

We picked two bushels of apples. I truly wish I had that picture to show you. The girls, high on the shoulders of a man that is not their father. This, in-and-of-itself, is a fact of significance.

But what strikes me as even more amazing is that Bear, a child infamous for liking the idea of something then realizing that the experience is far less entising than the picture she formed in her head, stuck with us, for the whole process of making applesauce.

It got hard, but she hung in, taking delight in the apron wrapped around her tiny waist and the pen she sported because, "it's what mom used to do for work and I like doing things just with you."

COMEDIAN

Preschools have a curriculum that includes educating our littles about Community Helpers. Usually this includes the firemen in full gear, demonstrating how they keep us safe even while they keep their own bodies protected from the fire. It is also meant to calm the kids who think they look 'a bit scary'.

Today, the firemen visited Comedian's school along with an ambulance squad.

Same concept. Different community helpers.

When I picked her up she presented me not with a representative coloring book, or a "I'm a friend of a firefighter" sticker, but an official looking paper.

"Ah, you need to sign this" her teacher said, a sheepish smile playing on her face. "Comedian fell when she was on the ambulance and got quite a scrape. She's fine. She was so brave, but we need you to sign that we recorded the incident."

The irony was not lost on me. Even so, my smirk became a full out laugh when I saw the line that asked, "Was an ambulance called for this injury?".

Ah - no, seeing as she was already on the ambulance when the 'injury occured'. Leave it to my little Comedian.

So, there you have it: Applesauce and Ambulances.

What are you showing and telling today?

Show and Tell - Teaching Tolerance (UPDATED with A Vocabulary Lesson)

2009-09-23T16:14:00.000-07:00

THIS MORNING I WOKE TO A COMMENT THAT STOPPED ME IN MY TRACKS:
BARBARA WROTE: "Beautiful lesson, your lovely girls are going to grow up into such nice people.But Cara, I take exception to the word "tolerance"! You're teaching acceptance, much more comfortable to live with than tolerance!"

SHE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT - AND, INTERESTINGLY - THAT'S THE MEANING I THOUGHT I HAD CONVEYED. CLEARLY, WE ACCEPT THESE LOVELY LADIES AND THEIR CHOICES.

MY RESPONSE TO HER READ: "You know Barbara - you are exactly right...and until I read your comment I didn't realize that it read differently. See what I mean? Long standing gifts from the generations die hard, even with word choice!"

SO AS YOU READ PLEASE KNOW, MY LINGUISTIC CHOICES ASIDE, WE ARE TEACHING ACCEPTANCE.

***

I write often enough about parenting after loss, a difficult and emotional task to be sure.

But what I haven't written much about is parenting in the 21st century. The melting pot that is this great United States of America gives us ample opportunity to teach our children the fundamentals of humankind: love, respect, personal choice, and tolerance just to name a few.

The biases of the previous generations are hitting a roadblock with us, the 'new age' parents, who embrace the opportunity to impart the building blocks of life: self respect, reverence for others, and emotional freedom.

I am not a politician, in fact the mere idea of politics in it's basest form wigs me out more than picking half hatched nits out of my children's gorgeous hair. I am, however, conviced that if we don't model these lifestrageties for our children, along with basic truths like you choose your experience, it is what it is, and exist in this moment, that the cyclical nature of old intolerances will remain embedded, indeed encouraged to a degree, to the upcoming generation we are molding.

Those of you that read here regularly know I live in Vermont. You may also know the recently passed law from my home state. We went to a wedding this weekend. This is the conversation I had with Bear the day before.

Me) Bear, remember earlier this summer we went to a wedding?

B) Yes, it was beautiful.

Me) It sure was. What did you like best about that wedding?

B) The colors. (It was a cross -cultural experience of Christian and Tibetan descents)

Me) I like the colors too. Why do you think they got married?

B) Because they love each other.

Me) Yes, they do love each other very much. So what do you think marriage is all about?

B) Loving, and celebrating, and spirit. Putting the spirit together and celebrating your love -- like you and daddy.

Me) Absolutely Bear. You are exactly right. When two people feel like their hearts talk to each other, that kind of love, they want to be together forever -- so they get married. And, at that wedding it was a man and a woman.

B) Yes, the princess was so pretty!

Me) And, sometimes a woman and a woman get married.

B) Are they from a different country?

Me) No. They are from the United States, in fact - they live in Vermont, like you.

B) Does that mean sometimes a man and a man get married too?

Me) Yes. That's exactly what it means, if they have that special forever kind of love.

B) Who's getting married tomorrow?

These two lovely ladies held one of the first legal ceremonies in the State of Vermont, and I consider our family lucky to have been there to witness, then celebrate their love.

And their amazing cake!

And their 'off the hook' first dance. It's Apparently it's all the current rage and worth a click over!

What are you showing and telling this week?

Show and Tell: At Least They Don't Have Wings

2009-09-16T17:00:00.000-07:00

That's what my pastor said about the lice Comedian came home with, "At least God gave them a weakness or we'd ALL have them!"

Currently, you would be hard pressed to convice me why he created them at all... I mean, they don't really serve a purpose except to cause a known-to-be patient mother to choose to pull out her OWN hair in frustration that she has to force her child to endure yet another sitting of 'just checking'! Even so, she does look pretty damn cute, no?

In case you need a reminder of her 'former do', check the sidebar!! And, spare me a little golf clap as I did it myself. Well, if you count putting it in a ponytail and cutting, then attempting to shape a little so it didn't look so uneven.

Oh, we were canning corn today.

After the tomatoes of last week...

And Jer went crazy on the green beans, turnips, carrots and who knows what else the weekend I was away.

That's my life right now. Work, preserving, and nit picking!

What are you showing and telling?

Show and Tell - The Art of the Quickie

2009-09-02T18:24:00.000-07:00

Um...no - don't go there. This is a parenting after loss blog after all!

But my DSL connection is reallllllly slow tonight and so, here goes a quickie S and T of the GIRL's weekend...(updated to say that my connection died last night so a morning post it is!)

Bear's Bag

Comedian's bag

Two really excited girls to go to two really fun sleepovers for the weekend!!! Yeah - no mommy and daddy for 48 whole hours!! (seriously - they didn't even say a real goodbye to us, just ran an played with their friends!)
They made bears at their Nana and Papa's house. Must.Show.Off

Bear named hers "EmmaBear" - my heart melted.

Comedian passed out. The aftereffects of a really FUN weekend!

So, that's that for my driveby show and tell...what is everyone else showing?

The First Day of School

2009-08-31T15:47:00.000-07:00

The first day of school is never easy. Transitioning is always hard.

Today was really hard. Bear struggled immensly with her emotions, riding the rollercoaster of tears, frustration, anger, fear, worry, anticipation, hope, and who knows what other anxiety based emotions.

Tomorrow is her first day of first grade.

As I watched her, trying my best to stay buckled in the same seat she was as she hit the peaks and valleys of her emotionally charged day, I broke inside.

I saw my little girl fighting to regain some sense of control as her world spun out of control. I saw her clothes get folded, then re-folded, and strictly organized in drawers. I saw shoes come flying at my head matched only by the murderous look in her eyes. I saw her cower in the backseat of the car, not wanting to be there but not wanting to get out either.

Quite simply, I saw myself.

I saw the person I become when grief overwhelms. I know those feelings of despair partnered with the need to compartentalize my life. I know far too well how it is to want and not want something equally at the same time. And so my heart breaks a little more each time it happens to her.

GAD - General Anxiety Disorder, that's what they call it. "Basically", one psycologist told me, "life just stresses her out, at times more than others."

Yeah. No kidding. Poor kid.

We have had a relatively good summer with regard to her stress triggers. We have introduced a few new techniques and strategies she can choose to use when she feels her body starting to get out of control. Today, nothing worked.

I am starting my new job tomorrow so I can't be there for her first day. Daddy will walk her to school and pick her up. That will be enough, I tell myself knowing he is a calming force for her, but oh how I wish I could be there too.

Her backpack is ready. Her lunch is packed. Her outift is picked out.

"Mommy" she whispered to me at bedtime, "I'm sorry I was so not controlled today. I'm just so scared to go. I'm just so nervous."

She finally said it outloud. For that I did a happy dance, right there in her bedroom and the corners of her tired mouth reluctantly started to turn.

"I know" I whispered back, "We both start new things tomorrow. I'm nervous too."

And as she closed her eyes we hugged. I pray her dreams will be peaceful ones.

Show and Tell - GRIEF IN THREE PART HARMONY

2009-08-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

Last year on an ordinary day I saw a call out for writers on the LFCA. A new ezine was in the works, one for infertiles and families living after the loss of a baby.

I pounced. I wrote a sample piece. I was lucky enough to be chosen as one of the first columnisnts for Exhale magazine. My column title? Meditations On Life After Loss.

Exhale has grown so very much over the last nine months. Each issue is available now in PRINT format for a donation of $5! Woo-hoo, look as us growing!

This month my column is a bit different. It is a piece on Parenting After Loss. I thought it appropriate to share as my show and tell for it took me A LOT longer to write than others preceeding it.

This is an emotional issue I have been wrestling for some time now. Please, if you have a response - leave it. If you are a few years ahead of me on this PAL journey, tell me so - with some nice, flowery, what-I-might-expect-to-see-in-a-couple-years story...perhaps.

Thank you for allowing me to tell our story. Thank you for helping me to write a happy ending.

Enjoy - Meditations on Parenting After Loss - GRIEF IN THREE PART HARMONY.

What is everyone else showing and telling?

Passed...Then Surpassed!

2009-08-23T05:32:00.000-07:00

Well, she passed.

We all knew that was coming!

And, their teacher gave them lollipops!

They knew that would happen too.
What was less expected were the happy tears pouring from my eyes. Their intensity matched only by the pride and accomplishment glowing in Bears's.

For the record, Comedian did not pass. This, too, was expected. And, contrary to what the image above says, she is not upset about this in the least. "I get to do level ONE again" she says animatedly to anyone who will listen.

Friday was Bear's long earned (like five years in the making) moment.

And, The funny thing about really wanting to do something is that even when you have achieved it you still want to do more, to go further, and try new things that yesterday seemed impossible.

Like this. Holy Cow - I got a swimmer on my hands!

* - A short PSA for all parents: There is a 24 hour fatigue delay when your children swim four hours in one day. The next night expect them in bed a full two hours early!

** - Oh, and don't miss the quote of the week, a lament on the end of swimming!

Show and Tell - Sink or Swim

2009-08-19T17:03:00.002-07:00

Bear has never loved water. In fact, she hated it with an earsplitting vengence as a baby. A simple sponge bath left my eardrum smarting for a day or two.

Bathing during her toddler years is not a story I will even tell you. Ok, Earplugs. Enough said.

We started swimming lessons at 2 years old. For the first year she sat on the first step. The second year she sat in the water on the second step, and so forth.

We've never pushed her. We've always wanted her to feel safe in the water and find her comfort zone in her own time. Even so, this was the general expression you recieved when she got anywhere near water, usually followed by tears.

As summer approached something told me this was our year. An inuition of sorts that the heavens had aligned and suddenly, not only would she feel safe and confident in the water, but she would want to swim!

Mother's intuition. Never mess with it.

Congratulations Bear. You have done it. And, futhermore, you have inspired your sister to follow suit. You are growing up so fast and accomplishing so much.

This is Bear's fifth year in level one swimming lessons. Tommorow is the 'exit test'. Something tells me that, at long last, she will pass!

What are you showing and telling?

2009-08-19T17:03:00.001-07:00

Show and Tell - Mind Scribbler

2009-08-05T07:40:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday. It's show and tell day, the day of the week where we share interesting snippets from our collective lifes both to amuse and to learn more about each other.

This blog has been strangely silent as of late, an unexpected side effect of my recent, albeit, early dowslide into 'the lead up to Emma's birthday'.

So, a big thank you to Kristin for sending me this award, not only because it ends my unintended silence here and inspired me to post a few more recent pics of our summer experience, but because it celebrates one of the things I am currently grieving most. On Sept 1st I will walk back into a classroom and commence teaching. My magical year of writing is over. I'm sad. So, thanks for recognizing this part of me that has been rejuvinated. To be clear, I'll still write - I'll just have to carry my super cool, retro hand-held recorder with me all the time so when inspiration strikes and I am in the middle of teaching a lesson about something preschoolish I can put the topic, and perhaps the first few lines into my magic inspiration box.

Behold -- said magic inspiration box procured for pennies on the dollar at a...you guess it...yard sale when the seller couldn't guarantee if it worked. It does. Well.

So, my challenge is to embrace what is left of the summer while trudging through this nasty grief haze I'm in. My strategy? A scrapbook, of course. But not just any scrapbook. Inspired by my good friend I am doing a 'day-to-day month of August' scrapbook. This serves two purposes.

1. I am constantly distracted (read: not allowed to fall into a thousand pieces) throughout the day by remembering that I am supposed to be remembering my camera and snapping photos of our daily events.

2. When complete, the book will serve as a concrete reminder that even though I felt like my heart was being squished by a bulldozer - again, I managed to create opportunities for my children to enjoy their last month of summer. And, I might add, looked like I was too.

And so...a brief snippit of the scrapbook in the making

Aug 1 - At the lake

Aug. 2nd - Me, signing Amazing Grace at church as my Summer music offering.

Aug 3rd - Off to play tennis!

Aug 4th - An improptu lunch out with Auntie Erika and the girls' Great-Godmother Karen and Great-Godfather Paul!

Aug 5th - Rocking out Gymnastics / Dance Class

See, doesn't look like I'm in total control? That's what I do. When I feel out of control -- I take complete control.

What is the rest of the class showing and telling?

For the Love of a Baby (PICTURE OF NEWBORN POSTED)

2009-07-21T11:53:00.001-07:00

My Comedian loves babies. I mean - she Love, LoVeS, LOVES babies.

The constant chatter, the incessent need to discuss poopy diapers, the blow-by-blow of what babies do, how they do it, why they need mama's milk (from boooobies, of course) flow from her with ease; all with a babydoll perched on her hip, or shoulder as she gently shushes it and pats it on the back.

Since the day my brother and sister-in-law announced their pregnancy Comedian as been asking "When is Auntie's baby coming out of she's belly?" The tone of the questions became more intense, corresponding - it seemed - with the girth of Auntie's belly. Lately, she was desprately whining at us putting elongated silences between each word to emphasize how serious it was. "When...Is...Auntie's....Baby...Coming...Out....Of...She's....BELLY?"

Needless to say, I was more-than-mildly shocked today at her hesitancy to greet her new cousin.

Elijah Daniel (held by big brother) finally arrived late last night after an unexpectedly long and difficult labor.

And this was as close as my baby-lovin', pretend diaper changin', bottle feedin', back-pattin', shoulder-shushin' Comedian would get.

Apparently, the real thing isn't exactly what she pictured in her head!

A family - complete, I'm told. Congratulations on your baby boy.

Learn To Speak Comedian: Lesson One

2009-07-17T05:25:00.000-07:00

Although my sweet Comedian talked at a young age, it took ages before we truly understood her. And, once we did we found ourselves interpreting her sentences for others.

At four-and-a-half she now has what I, an elementary ed teacher, would call age appropriate language skills. However, she has held tight to a few cute mispronounciations, prounoun manipulations, and noun substitutions.

So, do you want to learn to speak Comedian? All right!

LESSON ONE:

Hes (hees) adj. The possessive form of he. Bears a striking resemblance to the usage of 'his' in proper english. Rhymes with 'bees'. Used as a modifier to indicate ownership before a noun: hes shoes, hes momma, hes school, etc.

Now you try it! Oh - come on, it's fun!! Ok, no hands - try this cloze exercise.

"If you can't find your umbrella, borrow ___"

Or this one,

"Momma, ____ shirt is dirtier than _____"

Fun, isn't it? Oh, and being the totally consistant literary child that she is, this prounoun mutation also aplies to 'hers'.

BONUS POINTS: How does Comedian prounounce her version of 'hers'?

Stay tuned for LESSON TWO - 'Leaves'

Show and More Personality Tells

2009-07-15T04:53:00.001-07:00

A post reminiscent of last year's personality tell rhyme!

You may recall the running theme of this New England summer has been, rain - rain and...more dark, ominous clouds that result in RAIN!

Yesterday afternoon, after scrambling to get in the first cut of summer hay was no different. So, we pulled out the super cool activity Nana and Papa brought us back from Cape Cod!

Simplicity at its best! Crumple tiny pieces of tissue paper and adhere to a sticky backed pre-cut shape. Um...why can't I think of these ingenious things??

Anyway, I'm always astounded when you give children the SAME materials and they produce vastly DIFFERENT products. When they clearly echo the personality traits of said child I really stop and pause.

Like This: Bear's Butterfly

Organized, and structured yet Fancy. Began with a plan. Colors touch but clearly have their own space without any white showing through. Was completed during the same sitting, punctuated by a hopeful look as she said, "Did I do a good job?".

And Then This One: Comedian's Car

Blending, Overlapping Colors with small white gaps throughout. Little concern for the colors chosen, abstractly creating moment by moment based on what her little fingers grabbed. The end result a Jackson Pollock-like creation that filled her small face with complete pride!

And, just in case you think I might be reading a wee bit too much into my analysis. Take a quick peek at these 'blank canvas' paintings created the day before.

I'm sure don't need to tell you whose is whose.

Now, click over and see what the rest of the class is creating!

Father Speaks...

2009-07-12T17:24:00.000-07:00

Friday evening Jer was painting part of the house. Not a job for the kiddos.

Enter Whining Kids: "But, plueeeezzzze daddy. We want to paint too. Pleeeeaaaazzzee???"

Daddy: "Ok. Why don't you give your wagon a new coat of paint? But, don't get any on yourself, your clothes or anything else."

Um...yeah - right. If you say so. Or not.

FYI: Rust-eez + 4 year old + child who gets everything in her hair = A BIG MESS , a ruined dress (that I really liked) and a side of paint thinner.

The lack of an aftershot is purely because I was taking deep breaths to try and contain my rage -- at Jer -- not the kids. Trust me, it was ugly.

Just ask the couch.

Show and Tell -- A Summer Slideshow

2009-07-08T09:08:00.001-07:00

To say this summer has been busy would be a gross understatement. I guess I expected that, as all summers tend to get cluttered with activities, but this year it was the sudden onset of our business took me by storm.

We began the summer (read: expectation / responsibility free environment) by playing hooky from the last day of school to escape to soggy Cape Cod. It was blissful, wet or no. And as much as I tried (vowed) to maintain that level of la-de-da, do what we do when we want to do it without looking at the clock mentality at home, the stressors seem to creep in! And, before I knew it, I had managed not just to book us solid for a week, but to overbook a thing or two!

Old habits and all. *sigh* will.do.better! For, I know when the girls look back on this summer they will not remember my superior scheduling ability or feel accomplished by the number of posts I managed to get finished or even families touched by Share Southern Vermont’s outreach.

They will remember:

Tennis Camp!

Strawberry Picking...

and processing...

and how amazing that fresh jam tasted!

And that mom made her FIRST PIE EVER that actually tasted quite good, but that she forgot to line the bottom of the stove with foil and it bubbled over. They will most probably also recall that mom exclaimed, "Thank goodness we don't have smoke detectors in the kitchen" (where - of course, we should) while opening every door and window within 12 feet. Yeah-- good times -- good memories!

Oh - and don't forget our 'borrowed' backyard. Looks sw-eet, yes? Seriously, our neighbor stopped and said, "I worked really hard to get the pool open and now all my kids are away at summer camp, so - use it, whenever you want, even if we aren't here!" Um...OK!

It's like having two of their favorite things...but not! Jumping on the tramp...

Swimming in the pool... um, I mean lounging!

Eating popsicles in the bathtub because it is Pouring Rain - AGAIN!

Hanging out in the boat, instead of on the lake, because...well - you guessed it...MORE RAIN!

Oh, and who can forget Comedian's face when Grandma lit a sparkler on the 4th of July??

Balance…balance…family, ‘work’, posting, SSV, commenting – oops, just fell of the beam again!

Here’s to summer. Here’s to memory making. Here’s to time well spent!!

Now, be sure to check out what the rest of the class is showing.

Perfect Moment Monday -- Table for Three?

2009-07-06T07:37:00.000-07:00

As of late, Jer has been working into the night using every ounce of daylight to accomplish something. That is a feat, as I truly thought we were headed for another 40 day flood.

As a result it is often just the girls and I for dinner. The other nights, they were seated with full plates as I worked on filling mine. My back was to them when I heard this conversation.

Comedian: "Just the two of us..."

Bear: (in a serious-fact-correcting, yet very light hearted tone) "Comedian, you know there are three girls in this family. Emma went in mommy's belly first. Then she died. Then she came out. Then I went in mommy's belly next. I didn't die. Then I came out. Then you went in mommy's belly last. You didn't die either. They you came out. And that is why there are three sisters but only two of us eat at the dinner table."

Comedian: (not deterred in the slightest) " Yeah! Cause Emma lives to God. So Emma eats with God. She doesn't need to eat at our table cause God has great food at his table in heaven."

Cue random topic change, giggles and the rest of our dinner.

I love that they speak of Emma so concretely. I love that I was able to listen without falling apart. Oh boy...how far we've come.

Show and Tell: The Post Where I Clarify My Marriage Status...

2009-07-01T04:45:00.000-07:00

When posting about our vacation I missed a small detail...my husband didn't go.

During the winter his business had finally been effected by that darn recession sweeping the nation and he went months without consistant work. About a month before our scheduled vaca the work started to re-appear. We both agreed it was best for him to stay behind, so -- I invited one of my bestest friends and her twin eight year old girls.

It was an estrogen fest of the best kind. Hence, the "must get permission from the other mother" comment.

Check this out!

This was the day we said, "Rain - Smain! You can't stop us from romping on the beach! We are warriors!" We kinda had to be for the wind seemed to be having a contest with the rain for 'most deterring'. Don't these troopers look happy!! We lasted about 15 minutes, and then -- admitted defeat.

"Thank Goodness we have cars!" said Bear. I said, "Amen!" "And Houses..." she added.

A few more of my favorite moments...

And, for your viewing pleasure -- a miniature version of the workout I do nearly everyday. These girls rocked out the Turbo Jam on a daily basis. Yes, I took my workout with me on vacation...I know, I KNOW...but still I think we (the adults) might have actually lost weight on our vacation!

Click here to see what the rest of the class is showing...

Representative Photos of Our Vacation

2009-06-29T05:35:00.000-07:00

"You have a choice" we said more times than I can count to the four amazing kids with us on vacation. "You can choose to be frustrated and dissapointed by the rain OR you can choose to embrace this experience for what it is and have FUN!

We did the latter! Here are a few represtative shots of our week at the cape. More to come...when I get permission from the other mother!

When we arrived the sun was still shining...apparently it had been for days before our arrival. We scooped up our beach stuff and took full advantage -- it was our only sunny day.

Comedian Making a "Sand Angel" -- Only she would think to do such a thing!

Bear hauling water to their 'Beach City'!

These told the rest of the story...

We did yoga...

LOTS of painting!

Puzzles, Playdough, Ballet, Exercise and more!!

And...just because I can't resist. Here is a photo from our LAST MORNING (notice the sun peeking out) of the flower boxes my friend planted to thank my parents for letting us use the house. Comedian is thrilled...sporting her "Grandma - looking over my glasses) look!

What Happens When Butterscotch Isn't Feeling So Buttery

2009-06-16T05:01:00.000-07:00

Nana once gave us a book about Alexander, the very-prone-to-accident boy who was covered in bandaids by the end of the week. My favorite line of the whole book read:, "Alexander - you pip, you can't eat ice cream with a band-aid on your lip!"

Needless to say, both Butterscotch and Comedian had a rough morning.

Packing A Picnic Basket

2009-06-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

"Momma, you seem a little bit sad and a little bit happy today. You were really happy on your birthday...

I know! Let's have a picnic -- at Emma's grave. Yeah! We'll pack sanwiches, carrots, raisins, and cake! She really wants us to have a picnic at she's grave today. Will that make you happy Momma?"

It makes me sad that she can read me so well. But it makes me so very happy that she views Emma's grave as a place of solace, a place where 'Momma can get happy again'.

The rain just plain makes me mad. No picnic today....

Must.Talk.About.Blogging.MORE!

2009-06-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

Last night's birthday-cake eating-conversation:

Bear: 'Mummy did you like my present?"

Me: (gushing) "Oh Yes! I loved it! In fact, I loved it so much that I blogged about it."

Bear: (quizzical look - you can acutually see the wheels turning searching for a synonym to match) "Um, you blogged about it or you bragged about it? Bragged, right?"

Me and Hubby: (hysterically laughing, me so much that I couldn't answer - so he did) "Same thing honey...exactly the same thing!"

Clearly I don't use the B-word enough in this house.

Do your kids know about your blog? Do you talk about it with them and tell them what you posted?

Comedian's Theory on Eating After Death...

2009-06-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

Her stream-of-consciousness self-chatter as she sets the table...

“We have four people in our family, but really we have five, but Emma doesn’t eat at the table but she eats outside because I gave her food but she at some of it but not all of it because she didn’t want to choke.”

Oh, and earlier...after she intentionally wrote on a library book with pen because she "couldn't find" any paper, she totally deadpanned me. "Well, I can't say sorry to the book because it doesn't talk."

Damn if she makes me laugh even when I shouldn't be...oh - and be sure to check out her wisdom quote of the week above! Sure to give you a chuckle too!!

Show and Tell: A Recycled, Updated Post! "Leave with Five - Come Back With Two"

2009-06-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

UPDATED: Due to lack of time, a Sunday School lesson to plan for a sub, 13 pages of prep reading to do for my interpreting job tomorrow, and two other rather labor intensive show and tells...I present a recycled post!

Our family meeting went well. The words came, then Comedian narrated, rationalizing the choice in her own 4-year-old-everything-makes-sense-because -I-said-it way. Bear crumbled - just as we knew she would.

The next morning was a little harder than I thought. Bear managed to rally for this picture. And, YES that is the makeshift chicken coop that Jer built when they hatched on New Years Day. Thank you for noticing - means you've been reading my various blogs a while! What - It isn't supposed to double as a makeshift cat carrier?? Oh, sorry...

The humane society ladies were wonderful. They even tolerated a crazy lady weilding a camera like a wedding photographer determined NOT to miss any part of the day!

Butterscotch seems very happy back home with us even if he is a bit lonely and acting stressed, like a recently weaned toddler, trying to convince Sally to let him nurse again. She having none of it!

And, just to keep the 'where did my family go' drama in high gear, tomorrow we drop off Sally-mama to be spayed. Poor little Butterscotch will have to go a whole night without her.

FUN CAT FACT: Did you know that the requirements for neutering boys are, reached 3 pounds and their testicles have descended?

(HA! Google that!)

UPDATED TO ADD: Butterscotch's you-know-whats are good and ready but at a weight of 2.7 pounds he'll have to weight for the neutering process to commence. Also, he did quite well while Sally-Mama had her sleepover at the vets, if you consider 'well' to mean he cried until one of us stayed downstairs with him so he could sleep on our chest. *awwwww*

More Show and Tell...HERE!

Show and Tell: It's All About The Arts Baby!

2009-05-30T17:19:00.001-07:00

Arts Night at the elemetary school is a BIG deal. A BIG DEAL!

It is a celebration of all things creative: visual art, voice, and instruments. In fact, for a small school (110 kids K-12) they go all out! So many people come to support their kids, grandkids, nieces and nephews, in fact, that there is barely room for people to stand!

This was Bear's first year. Each child had their own 'exhibit'.

A few Bearish selections...

Walking the halls is great! And then, they sing... It is cute, but looooong. Comedian decided to make herself comfortable...

Why yes - of course - by lying belly down in the middle of the isle, program in hand and without concern for any people that might actually want to walk there - or take pictures. Ha! I love that girl. She really knows how to live life!

The musical theme was 'America' with Memorial Day so close. They really did a nice job! I'd share a short video snippet with you but blogger hates me. Soon, real - soon, we will work out our differences, amicably - of course.

Happy Memorial Day to all...our kids know their freedom didn't come free. What are you showing and telling?

The Gap Before The Gap

2009-05-27T06:58:00.000-07:00

Comedian (as you know) has finished pre-school for the year.

Bear has four more weeks.

So, the BIG question around the house has been, "When does summer really start mama?"

Because, dates on the calendar and abstract concepts have yet to resonate with my littles, I have reverted to such measurable responses as...

When the nets are up at the tennis courts.

When the lake opens for swimming.

And... The day when you let me sleep past 6am!

The last is more of a 'when pigs fly' kind of joke (prayer)...cause well, you now that Comedian, she likes to start her stream-of-consiousness joke telling when the rooster crows!!

So, what are we doing with gabs of mommy and me time??

"picking flowers for Emma"

"Drying socks the RIGHT way"

"making bread (at 6:30am... because) we didn't have none toast"

And, of course, stopping to smell the flowers.

She also....plays playdough, alot, takes long leisurley baths, dances to the 'rock star' (also known as Taylor Hicks) and is an all together cheery being!

There is alot of 'uh-huh' and 'uh-hum'ing going on too, as I respond to her various statements of fact using 'but' as a universal conjunction as she shifts topics on a dime...

"But when I with Grandma and Grampa I saw Mrs. C but she has a mom but her mom doesn't talk but sometimes moms don't talk, but you talk, and I talk, but sometimes my sister screams, but that is too loud for my ears but sometimes I scream quietly but if you hit someone you have to go on the naughty step but that's why I don't hit but I did hit one time and I cried and cried. Do you remember?"

And on, and on, and on it goes. And it melts my heart to hear her talk, the lilt of her voice, the pure optimisim that the world is her oyster even it if doesn't make sense.

Ahh - my comedian. I love her for all she is and I'm LOVING this time, just with her - even if not too much else is getting done.

Heck, I'm learning how to dry socks, "the right way"!

Movin' On Up...

2009-05-21T09:55:00.000-07:00

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE...

Ms. Comedian 'graduated' from her second year of pre-education-education today at 10am.

The ceremony consisted of an adorable group number.

(ONCE AGAIN..VIDEO READY BUT BLOGGER UNWILLING TO ACCEPT. IS THERE A GENERAL ISSUE OR DO YOU TECHIES THINK IT'S MY COMPUTER??)

Then the other class performed while Comedian watched with wonder!

Followed by the presentation of colorful certificates.

Afterwards, the kids and their families enjoyed a picnic in the most amenable weather yet.

Not in attendance was her big sister, Bear, who had to go to her own school. Both girls were "sad about it".

But she was overjoyed that Papa made it!

Well done my sweet! Another year over...it's hard to believe.

Perfect Moment Monday - Lack of Support

2009-05-18T06:48:00.000-07:00

Turns out - lack of support can sometimes be a good thing.

Bear has never been one to be rushed into any milestone, so we've never pushed. I didn't think she was ready. Apparently, she was - more - than ready. If my battery hadn't died you would have see her turning without hesitation only seconds later.

As she peddled away, full speed ahead, her daddy and I called out to her..."How are you feeling right now??" and her response caused me to tear up, "Really, really proud!!!!"

You should be, my sweet girl. I know we are!

Show and Tell - Fulfilling a Promise

2009-05-16T17:55:00.001-07:00

Many months ago, I wrote of a girl with streaming tears, heartbroken because "Emma lost all her leaves" (and if blogger was working tonight...I'd have the link - perhaps tomorrow)

Yesterday, she appeared in the doorway beaming a smile that could literally have reached ear to perfect little ear.

"Wow! You look happy!" I said.

"Ye-ya-yah" she said in that adorable I-add-a-third-syllable-to-every-word kind of four year old way. "Emma's leaves are back!!! They're baaaack!!!* You said when Emma's leaves comed back we could take a picture!! Get your camera!! Get it!! Now!!"

So I did.

And it felt so good to be fulfilling that promise made on a chilly fall day when tears fell in unison with her leaves.

Today - all sun - all smiles...and*for clarification, they did not come back overnight like a sister-angel miracle, but I waited for Ms. Comedian to notice for herself -and it was well worth it!

Perfect Moment Monday - Cameras and Connectedness

2009-05-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

Perfect moments happen everyday, Lori totally gets that… and this week I got a double dose. I found myself in a blissfully perfect emotive moment within another, more commercially perfect moment.

I captured our perfect images with this

- a borrowed camera still in my possession after the memory walk. And – Oh.My.Good.God I fell madly in love with it.

Yes, that’s right, I have very strong feelings for this picture-clicker what with its easy adjustable zooming lens, clear quality, and (my heart actually skipped a beat) its lightning fast sequence capture ability.

It is hard to believe a die-hard scrapbooker like me has NOT ever touched such a magical item. *sigh* It will exist in my dreams for a spell more, as financially the perfectness that is that camera is not doable – yet.

And here, are the perfect moments it captured.

After the walk, we went to Emma’s grave. Comedian insisted on it and I, the doting mother, was more than happy to oblige seeing as I was planning on it anyway. The fact that it was her idea touched me more than I can say.

I brought Emma a protected copy of the walk program with an awareness pin we gave out at the one mile mark.

Bear, who is still refusing to be pictured (please – just a short phase I pray) brought her one of the Share Southern Vermont balloons.

It flew to heaven before we could get it secured. “I guess Emma really wanted to hold the balloon” was her response.

And Comedian?

She brought her sister a schmorgasborg of items that “Emma did want to have for long and longer times because 'you know mom' they DO projects in heaven!”

Then – being the flexible little bundle that she is, picked them all back up so they wouldn’t get “rained and thundered on”.

*Big Contented Sigh* - My three girls, all together, without tears or questions. We were just there. It was perfect.

Show and Tell - Bike Baskets

2009-05-03T04:53:00.001-07:00

Did you have one? I remember my first bike mainly for the totally girly and fabulous bike basket attached to the handlebars.

Well, now-a-days - it seems that they look the same, but are really make with plastic mesh type stuff and that was not a-happening for my girls!

EXHIBIT A - Plastic meshy one from e.bay!

SO - Faithful Nana and Papa went a hunting for the real deal! You know the kind that is acutally woven, hopefully with someone's hands!

EXHIBIT B - The REAL DEAL! Can you see the difference??

Oh Yeah - we are rocking the transport stones, sticks and ball scene now with our totally awesome and authentic bike baskets! Even if we are riding our bikes with flip flops on... *ahem*

Thanks Nana and Papa! You Rock!

The Napping Limbo

2009-05-01T17:04:00.001-07:00

Comedian still naps - most days. She really needs it. If not, I'm sorely tempted to call her a grouchy, roaring Bear after 4:30pm.

But, there are days - like today- when that isn't possible. On such days she is passed out cold by 6pm, wherever she happens to be - seriously. People don't believe me.

Just like they don't believe that Bear, an active six year old Kindergartener still naps either. She does - when she's home anyway.

I'm not quite sure which part of the 'sleeping' gene these ladies inherited or where it came from but they have always loved their sleep.This is not to say, at least in the younger's case, that they were great sleepers. There is a difference.

Ok, fair is fair and if she reads this someday I want it to be written in stone (read: blog history) that Bear is, was, and most probably always will be a GREAT sleeper! One of my dearest friends told me when she was an infant and on her fourth hour of a second nap that day, "The more they sleep - the more they sleep." For Bear - yes, the theory applies.

But my dear Comedian has a twisted sense of slumber stipulations. Her's sounds more like, "I will get all the sleep I want - but on my terms, when and where I deem necessary even it it doesn't fit your idea of a schedule"

She didn't sleep through the night until she was three. Yup - 3 years old. Yet, there was no keeping that child awake at 1pm - she wanted a nap - she took a nap. Then, she started sleeping through the night (WILD CHEERING) only to get up at 4:30am - everyday! Ugly phase.

Now, she sleeps though the night with a consistant rising time of 5:30 am. She's just an early bird who LOVES her sleep, on HER schedule. Maybe she will be the teenager I don't have to drag out of bed?? I said maybe.

Today was a napless day. This is what she looked like at 6:01 pm.

Couldn't have stopped her if I tried. It's going to be an early morning. Nite -nite.

Wake Up Call

2009-04-29T04:03:00.001-07:00

Mine came at 5:30 this morning...the roosters, Comedian - same thing really.

I roll over, think positive thoughts, set my mind for the day, peek out the window, listen to Comedian elephant thump down the stairs...then this, said with way too much enthusiasm, especially for 5:30 am:

"Maaaaamaaaaa - Sally killed a dead bird!!!!! Aaaand - she's eating it's head off!!! Isn't that cool?"

Note: 'cool' is a relatively new word for the Comedian and evokes laughter just by her using it.
Additional Note: Using 'cool' in reference to beheading a bird - is not cool. Just saying.

My Response, bellowed down the stairs to enforce how serious it was: "DON'T.DON'T.DON'T LET THAT CAT IN!!!!"

For once, thank God - and truly - this is a rare occasion - she listened to me. I can only imagine the state of the story once she's finished telling...um...everybody she sees today!

I could have taken a picture...but - I, well - not even for you could I bring myself to do that. Sorry.

Have a wonderfully non-violent Wednesday!!!

Show and Tell - A New Focus

2009-04-24T18:02:00.000-07:00

No -no...not for me, my plate is full! For The Comedian, of course.

Perhaps you caught her debut dancing video last winter - no? Well - feel free! The girl's got moves!

And, although she sure does bust a groove with just a stick on a rock as a base beat (and, lately - some seriously funky chicken arms to accompany that shakin' bootay), she has recently tried her hand a new style of music making.

You see - my father plays the guitar, really well. I grew up listening to the songs from the 30's, 40's, 50's and beyond coming at me from...the front room! (Note: he's not really that old, he just knows all those songs)

In my teenage years my father turned his song-writing ability into a neat little nitch, writing songs for kids. He recorded four albums! Here is a classic shot of me: permed - playing the flute - questionable belt - and acutually believed I was fat?? Yeah - I was a classy, self-conscious nerd at least, in a recording studio yo!

And so, my kids were born into a musical world where Papa plays for them, at every holiday, and birthday party, and random occassion when he has the guitar in the trunk.

This video was taken on Easter day. He had the guitar because he and I were practicing for our upcoming performance at Share Southern Vermont's First Annual - Walk for Hope and Rememberance!

You KNOW the Comedian had to have a go....and so, I present with great pride -

The Comedian's Acoustic Debut

Subtitle (aka - words you may not understand): "Daddy....Stop Starting To Laugh At Me!"

What about you?? Any talents to Show and Tell??

PAL Weekend Forum Open for Discussion

2009-04-24T14:55:00.000-07:00

It's Friday night again ladies and gents...

And that means that the Parenting After Loss Weekend Group at The Stirrup Queens Ballroom is open for discussion.

What? - You've not heard of the forums? Oh, easy fix. Click on the pretty pomegranate on the sidebar.

What? - You're a forum member but not a member of our Parenting after Loss group? Easy fix there too...join!

Then - click HERE to discuss this weekend's carry-over question...

"DID YOUR PREGNANCY AFTER LOSS ANXIETY LESSON OR DISAPPEAR AFTER YOU DELIVERED THE NEXT BABY? IF NOT - WHAT WERE YOUR NEW TRIGGERS?

And...come on back tomorrow night for a Rockin' Show and Tell!!! You won't want to miss it!

Freuidan Slip

2009-04-21T16:20:00.000-07:00

I say all the time how Emma is part of this household. There is no place in this home that she isn't, for me - anyway.

The girls absorb this, without question -but speak of it rarely. They mostly speak of Emma's death, the reality of her absence. But I have learned that just because something isn't spoken has no bearing on it's ability to delve deep inside you and live there, popping out at the most unexpected time.

This morning we had a perfect playdate - of which my definition is both parents and kids get along really well. I'm sure you know the other kind of playdate, where you really want to hang out with the mom, but for some reason known only to the compatibility gods your kids just do not click and you spend more time negotiating conflict than enjoying each other's company!

Anyway- this match works - on all levels - and it found us in The Comedian's bedroom with three girls hudled around a candyland board. There was the expected chatter about colors and spaces, and reminders of whose turn it was, and then - Bear spoke to our guest, looked directly in her eyes as she said:

"Emma - it's your turn."

My breath hitched, then I caught the other mother's eye for a shared smile. But the girls - went on, unphased, potentially unaware of the monniker slip and the moment of sheer joy it brought to my heart.

I closed my eyes to the blond hair of this child, for surely I would never have produced a child so fair - and enjoyed the vision of three girls, varied heights, playing a board game. The simplicity of this basic act both embraced and enraged my heart. How could small moments like this been stolen from us? How blessed I am to be able to see - and enjoy them - as they become possible, if only for a moment.

Clearly, there will be more questions coming soon, from both Bear and I.

I hope I'm ready.

I hope you're ready.

Carrot Anyone??

2009-04-20T06:04:00.000-07:00

I write. You know that. My daughter does too. In fact she has started her own book - with chapters...just.like.me.

It's nice to see her absorbing the motivation to create, but I never push. I nod. I applaud. I exlaim. I never correct or suggest. She's 6 - her creations are perfect...

Oh yes...she askes me for help, being the hard-wired perfectionist that she is. And, with her newfound reading and writing skills about a year ahead of the norm, she knows when something doesn't look right, or sound right - and needs - it - to - be - RIGHT!!!

But still - I smile. I encourage. I say things like, "If is sounds right to you", "If it looks right to you", and "What effort you have put into that fairy book."

And so, a few evenings ago as she was adding a few last lines to her most recently illustrated page she problem solved her own word: fod became food. I wasn't surprised - really - that she somehow understood this odd permeation of 'double-O' as all the rules of written English, even the ones that break their own rules (ie - find, um...a long-i, really?) come easily to her.

But what DID give me pause, and caused my jaw to click down a few notches was when she added this under that little word: ^ (fod became fo^od)

Yeah - a carrot, as in English highschool teachers use it to add something to the sentence or word. And here, my six year old Kindergartener marked it on her page like a backwards 's', or a smiley face, or the first letter of her name - without hestitation.

"Wow - what is that?" I asked

"I missed a letter" she responded, "It's a carrot. That's how I put letters in that I missed."

Yup - that's right. Not only does she employ the tool, but she can explain her reasoning!

"Jeez - that's pretty fancy. Where did you learn about that?"

"Oh - my teacher taught me when she makes my words right."

***silence while I thought this over. And recalled with great detail the post where I raged against spelling tests in Kindergarten, and the recent parent teacher conference when I told the teacher as much, then was presented with 'representative examples' of her work. (copying...judged work - notice the requirements on the top right?)

Oh - if only we were independantly weathly and could send our girls to an alternative school, like a Waldorf or a Montessori where their creativity and innate desire to explore was celebrated and encouraged...but no - not yet, anyway. And, let me be clear - it's not the global requirements being put on the teacher I'm railing against - necessarily - but the archaic methods being used to accomplish them.

Hence the conversation spawned by a red circle around 'is' on her test because 's' was backwards:

Me: "Do you actually count this as wrong?

Her: "No. I make a note if it, but it will be wrong in first grade."

WHAT????

So here I present a clear demonstration of her creativity in action...the finished scrapbook she made for her father's birthday.

Rock it out girl...create, be inspired without rules and limitations - you deserve that.

Show and Tell - Proof Positive

2009-04-18T11:18:00.001-07:00

That I am still working out.

That I am still doing my crunches.
And that my kids feel the need to add El Reesistaaance to the already daunting task of doing a proper crunch.

*sigh* Got to love 'em!

More Show and Tell ....Here

And...come on back tomorrow for the post where I expand on the injustices of spelling tests / academic focuses in Kindergarten. For archive homework reading...click here. Oh - and as requested, I'll be showing off Bear's finished scrapbook too - promise!!

Jeepers Creepers! Would You Look At Them...

2009-04-17T13:06:00.001-07:00

PEEPERS!

HOLY COW ARE THEY GETTING CUTE - AND BIG - AND CUTE!

EYES OPEN - CHECK.

MOVING AROUND - A LITTLE BIT.

MEWING ALL NIGHT SO THE COMEDIAN IS HAVING A BIT OF DIFFICULTY SLEEPING...SUPER DUPER CHECK!

THE BUTTERSCOTCH ONE IS MINE....WHICH ONE IS YOURS? AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT...ANY GRAND IDEAS HOW TO NAME FOUR CATS THAT ALL LOOK IDENTICAL???

No Longer My Little Cub

2009-04-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

Bear's life has been a little bit rough. She entered the world with 'rainbow baby' status, instantly ensuring a bit of an altered beginning, but it only spiraled from there. I can't count the number of times J. and I have looked at each other and said, "Can you imagine if she had been born to a family that didn't care?"

Both for me, because after six years we have FINALLY begun to make some sense of all the drama - and for her, because she doesn't need it publically hashed...I'll just say - it's been rough.

It's getting better...slowly ....with much 'hands-on' parenting. Well, actually I have no idea why they use that word because it is more like 'brain shifting' parenting. My husband and I have had to accept that she's wired differently, and its ok. We have had to shift OUR thinking to meet hers, then use social thinking techniques to teach her cognitive flexibility.

It's starting to work. We are getting better at it - so is she. She is also growing up, which ensures meeting new challenges, but using formerly learned strategies to do so. Yesterday, we had our first mutual success using the inclusive communication approach our family has committed to - effectively empowering ALL OF US to problem solve a conflict, and therefore - (hopefully)finding a solution that works for everyone.

J's birthday is today. Going out a buying a fab gift is just not in the cards this year. It was hard for Bear to understand, but using the above strategy she suggested making him a scrapbook. You do remember my great love (read: borderline obsession) with scrapbooking, right? And those are just a few...

The solution worked - for both of us. It cost nothing as the 'closet of wonders' still has buku unused materials from the past. The result - special beyond what dollars could buy. We escaped to her room last night with pictures from his Marine Core days. She settled into the project, calmer than I've seen her in weeks - especially knowing that all the effort was being put out for someone else.

She picked pictures

She chose and decorated backing papers

She cropped, yes cut the pictures with a 'sharp' tool. And, I let her (with supervision of course), but this was her project, a self-defining experience, and so I smiled at crookedly cropped photos and slightly torn edges.

And, oh my - did she wield a tape runner better than half the adult students I used to teach!

The project isn't quite done - and truly - this was the hardest part for her. She likes to finish what she starts, but the party isn't until 5pm so we have plenty of time. I just KNOW she'll dig putting the stickers on!

And yes - without letting the cat out of the bag I gave daddy-o a little 'she worked crazy hard on this just for you' heads up, to which his response was, "I guess I better act crazy excited about it then."

Yes - Daddy, we are doing it. We are raising this child well in spite of the challenges that have been sent our way.

She is going to be just fine...no - she is exceptional.

Thesbian - Musician - Well, They Both End With -ian, right?

2009-04-14T08:09:00.000-07:00

I love musicals. I have always loved singing them, memorizing all the words, even I'd never seen it on stage. I loved going to the theatre exponentially more! Every year my parents would take me to Boston for at least one show. Once, I even got to partake in a NYCity show. Ahhh..sweet bliss.

In another life, or this one -if my voice was just a bit more powerful with a slightly broader range - I would have LOVED to be the one ON the stage, belting out lyrics owned by a fictional character I got to become, if just for the night.

Last Friday night Bear and I went to see Into the Woods as done by our local high school. Well, the 'approved for 6 year olds' first half, anyway.

Obviously without Bernadette Peters, et al - it wasn't quite the same. None-the-less, it was awesome - amazing - fabulous. Ok, I'm bais as ITW was my FAVORITE musical when I was a teenager. Even now, I wanted to jump up on stage and join them!!

Sondhiem's brillant idea of dismembering fairy tales, then re-arranging them so each needed the other to reach their 'happily ever after' had the ability to "wow" me over and over. And the music? Um- SITLL stuck in my head and showing no signs of leaving what with it's clever, rhyming lyrics and the fact that Bear can't stop singing it either.

Yes - that' right, my husband is in showtune H-E-doubletoothpics cause it's not just ME anymore!!

Our favorite character from the show? It was unanimous. Rapunzel's prince was the obvious choice as they cast the foreign exchange student with a kicken' accent and long flowing hair that really worked on him!

A quick shout out to the witch...she rocked too, even if she was accentless.

And so - for your viewing pleasure (read: maybe it will get stuck in your head too...)

THE OPENING SONG OF ACT ONE...

Enjoy...

Ok....Now What Do You Do With The Eggs??

2009-04-12T06:31:00.001-07:00

This was the question. And here is the answer - well, kind of as my camera (read: image-capturing device that I aimed multiple under-the-breath profanities at this morning) refused to take a video. Ok, it took the video...but then erased it - without my permission - twice!

Yes, that's right - I convinced my little thesbians in the making to do a 'take two' only to have the proof of our egg hunt....disappear again! So, you will just have to take my word for it when I tell you how the egg dispersion goes down round these parts.

1. Much like on x.ma.s eve, the girls leave the basket of decorated eggs on the table the night before for Mr. EB.

2. Next morning, they scramble down the stairs (6am - in case you were wondering) looking for them. Mom and dad do the obligiatory hold-them-off routine with breakfast and coffee being paramount. Plus - it's FREAKIN FREEZING at 6am, in April, in Vermont.

3. At a more appropriate and potentially warmer hour we venture outside with baskets and video camera (note: I'm still shaking with frustration!) and they search out the eggs.

4. In about 35 seconds flat they have all been recovered: typically 3/4 by the elder and 1/4 by the younger...who could care less.

5. Then, in the an underwhelmingly unfulfilling ending to the experience - they go back in the same box they started in! Exciting huh?

6. And then - yes - over the course of the next few days they are consumed, typically each in a solo peel and eat fashion, but I have been known to make an all-shades-of-the-rainbow egg salad before!!! Yeah, I'm that cool.

But - just to show that I REALLY tried for you, really. Here is the visual proof I did manage to keep.

Where is Bear you ask? Well, apparently two takes is all her contract allowed. She stormed off set on the third take.

Happy Easter and I REALLY NEED A NEW CAMERA!!!!!!

Show and Tell: The Midlife Crisis of the Easter Bunny...

2009-04-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

The midlife crisis / downsizing of the Easter bunny (best told by Julie) + a recession + a desire to see how long it takes us to use everything in our pantry + plus an overall effort to live more minimilistic / green led the girls and I to make our own egg dye today.

You know - not buy that mass produced package and expend just enough energy to drop a tablet in water.

And - it turns out, the effort level for 'do-it-yourselfers' isn't much higher. In fact 20 drops of food coloring:

One tablespoon of white vinegar

and 1/2 cup of h20 - direct from your faucet

Carefully poured by two small children (who either need haircuts desperately or a hair that all ties and clips don't slip out of)

results in this:
Hmmm...those look familiar - oh yeah - now I remember, they look identical to the result when a factory-pressed tablet is dropped into another set of unnecessary plastic cups that will just get thrown away with the equally-unnecessary scooping wand that came with it!

Look again:

But, there was a snag. For my sweet Bear became concerned that as we were wandless she wouldn't be able to put more than one color on her egg.
We stopped and thought. Brainstormed many ideas. None of them worked. And then - the snag, part duex, "Hoooooow will I make rainbows? flowers? deeeecorations?" she wailed. "And" she continued, "IF I get them perfect, where can I put them so they don't smidge????"

In a moment of Kindergarten brillance (and a rare display of flexible thinking)- she disappeared returning with this:

"Ah -ha!" I exclaimed taking in the upside down water bottle cover. And it did turn out to be the perfect, minimalistic solution to her current crisis.

See?

So, how did she create those perfectly parallel, yet not blended together designs, you ask? These:Yes - that's right - it is commericial, factory made, and rather ridiculous at first glance -but, in my defense it was in my pantry. And, they were the answer to all the kids fanciful make-the-egg-look-like-it-does-in-storybooks dreams.

They were able to control every line, every curve and angle as they decorated.

Even I couldn't resist trying them out. This egg had been rejected by the girls with 'duh-mom' contorted expressions. It was cracked. I knew exactly what to do.
So, the moral of this Easter tale is - Live green, be a creative problem solver, use what you have, don't over buy...but on occasion frivious and overpriced factory items can be the solution. (if - of course - they are already in your pantry =)

Have a very Happy Easter day scanning what the rest of the CLASS has to offer!

Why?

2009-04-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

"Why do babies die?"

I have asked myself that question a thousand - hundred - a million times. Well, if I'm being honest, in the beginning it was, "Why did my baby die?" Only recently have I been able to open my broken heart to the world and broaden the query to a woe-is-us level.

"Why do babies die?"

But this post isn't about me. It is about Bear. For this was the question she asked on the way home from a dentist appointment yesterday.

Our conversation was so surreal. The words fell from my mouth without outward emotion. Keep it simple. Keep it short. Be honest. Be age-appropriate. The sun shining pleasantly through the window seemed misplaced, as though speaking candidly and honestly about her dead sister required weather more timid, maybe stormy. Inside I was grieving the moment, the conversation for its enevitibility.

I planned for this day. I knew it would come. How could it not? Children grow and within them, their minds evolve, creating connections, asking questions. Yes, I knew there would come a day when her curiosity about the pie-in-the-sky notion I had attested to all these years of a sister she'd never met living in heaven would clash with her cognitive ability to comprehend.

I had scripts ready; non-cliche responses in my arsenol so I may be honest in an age-appropriate way while letting her lead.

It all when out the window. When push came to shove, read: she fired direct, hard to answer questions, I did the best I could -taking long pauses to make sure every word counted. It went something like this:

Bear: Why do babies die?

Me: Honestly Sweets - I don't know.

Bear: But Emma died. Why did Emma die?

Me: Something happened inside my body and it made her body not work.

Bear: But I can't see her. Why can't I see her? I saw her one time in my bed, remember? So why can't I see her again?

Me: Yes. I remember. You might or you might just feel her from now on. That's what I do. I feel her.

Bear: You held her?

Me: Yes

Bear: But that doesn't make any sense. You said she died inside you. How did she come out of you then go back in?

Me: She didn't Bear. Emma died inside me. Then - I pushed her out. Then - I held her. She was still dead. Her body still didn't work.

Bear: (accepting this) Well, where did you put her? Did you leave her there?

Me: No Sweets. We buried her, in the earth -under the stone that we go visit all the time.

Bear: (becoming agitated) -Mom, you aren't making any sense! How could you put her in the earth when there was a stone in the way??

Me: (making the obvious clarifiying statement...then met with silence for a minute I continued) I can tell you are thinking alot about Emma today. Is there anything else you really want to know about Emma right now?

Bear: Mom, remember when I painted my nails using colors in a pattern: pink, purple, pink, purple?

And that was that. She was off to another topic that held her fasicnation equally, if not requiring the same mental energy.

It begins. She is putting pieces together. She wants answers. I don't have them.

My questioning circle is large, nearly oval after all these years of going round and round always returning to the question of orgin: why?

Hers is tiny: just beginning, but expanding ever so slightly each time she grapples with the abstract notion of an 'older' sister that looks very much like a baby - forever.

Today our circles connected, and overlapped - like a venn diagram of grief inqusistion. We have a long way to go. There are many more conversations to be had, with deeper, harder-to-answer-questions.

Someday - far from now, our circles will eclipse. She will be grown up. She will want the whole story - bar-none.

Someday I will tell her...someday.

I Must Have Misunderstood

2009-04-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

"Oh My!" countless townspeople said as we spread the news of Sally's pregnancy.

"Um, really?" they gaffawed in disbelief when we said that we (read: husband and comedian) had no intention of finding homes for them.

"Yes, I guess we have six cats now" I hear myself say repeatedly as an ending to these conversations. Each time I say it I get a quick, clear vision of myself living a spinster's life surrounded by my six cats who keep getting knocked up and exponentially multiply before my eyes. Each time, it makes me laugh - usually out loud.

Regardless - judging from the expressions on the faces of these varied people I felt like I better buckle down for when the babies were born. Better be ready for...well - to be honest I had no idea what to be ready for.

I've never had a cat that had babies. For that matter, with the exception of one kitten: sweet Butterscotch who chose to stay with me only briefly the fall of 1984 before trailing a tempting looking trick-or-treater home on halloween night, I had never had a young cat.

The kittens were born in the wee hours on Sunday, March 29th. This was the picture I posted the next day.

This is what they look like now.

They have grown, but they haven't moved, have not even gravitated as a heard even three inches off their birth mark.

So far, twelve days old...and I haven't had to lift a finger or a broom or a vacuum attachment for these five little furbabies.

So tell me - O wise and all-knowing feline readers...how long should I expect this hands-off duty to last? Oh, and what should I be ready for when the do venture out into the rest of this house???

Show and Tell - An Extentsion of Handmade Love

2009-04-05T05:33:00.000-07:00

If you are going through these Show and Tells in order - then you would have recently read Show and Tell - Handmade Love at my grief/loss blog.

This is the extention S&T: the quilts of celebration that followed as Emma's little sisters came along two years later, then two more. As I've said before, with all my writings in varied locations I know you know my kids real names so I am fine with showing you these quilts. But, using Bear and The Comedian has become something of a habit - one that makes me smile, so I will continue doing so.

First Bear's quilt -

Do you see the bunnies? Sisters connected in every fabric of their lives!

And The Comedian's:

So delicate, so classic with tiny embroidered roses.

*sigh* - I love knowing that they will have these for the rest of their lives...and when they leave me my mother might possible make me a compliation quilt so all three girls can come together, as they should be, in our home.

Click HERE for the rest of the class.

Keep on Dancing!

2009-04-04T10:28:00.000-07:00

So, you do know about Mel's latest endeavour, right? No? Well - then click on over to The Stirrup-Queen's Ballroom!

There is so very much you can do there. It is a great (and safe) place to keep up with fellow LFCAers on the weekend!

It just takes a quick click to join...(free - of course), and then explore the possibilities! Oh, and there are groups. A very effective way to get the advice or support you need from the people who are most able to give it!

And you know I started a group. JOIN the Parenting After Loss Group and be part of our discussion topic each and every weekend. Yes, that's right ladies. Every Saturday I will post a discussion topic and we can beat it around the virtual pages like a racquet ball!

The purpose is dos:

The group is private, meaning you have to be clicked in to join, so you will never have to worry about what you say or ask.

It is exactly what I want to do in real life - start a pregnancy / parenting after loss group I mean, BUT that isn't in the cards for Share Southern Vermont for a few years. So, this gives me a place to send all the lovely ladies in my face-to-face life that need an outlet.

SO - In a very Mel like review: Join The Stirrup-Queen's Ballroom. Find some groups to join (hint: Parenting After Loss), and join the tintalating Discussion every weekend!

THIS WEEKS TOPIC: Do you cry in front of your kids?

The currency of childhood

2009-04-03T05:32:00.000-07:00

"No Comedian. Grampa will only give you one dollar and you can't buy anything for just one dollar."

This is the sentence that grabbed my attention in the backseat this morning. A myriad of responses, even though the girls weren't actually talking to me - or asking for my input on the value of a dollar, went through my head.

Let's back up...the conversation that is.

BEAR - "Mom, is today library program?'

ME - "No, it's music day and just so you are aware, I don't think there will be any library program next week because the book fair is coming." (read: that evil flash-it-in-front-of-kids-all-day-long-so-as-to-tempt-them-beyond-reason-AND-guilt-parents-into-buying-something event)

BEAR - drawing in quick breath, already tempted

COMEDIAN - "Oooooooo - the boooook fair!" (I'm pretty sure she has no idea what excitement this is supposed to hold...but she felt it take over the back seat.)

BEAR - "Mom! Mom! I want to buy something at the bookfair. I really do. I really do!"

ME - "Well, you have been saving up your money so you can use that if you would like to."

BEAR - "Yeah! I have lots of dollars."

COMEDIAN - (who is a spender and a giver - not a saver) "But, it's ok, because Grampa will give me he's money and I can buy something at the bookfair."

BEAR "No Comedian. Grampa will only give you one dollar and you can't buy anything for just one dollar."

She's right you know. You really can't, with the exception of certain packs of gum that make me want to break into a twin-based song or a sl.im jim perhaps. Ok, some gas stations still offer a cup of small coffee for 99cents, but not many.

I recall as a child the wonderous ability to buy four, yes 4 candy bars for the all-mighty one dollar.

My father can trump that, I'm sure with his tales of a corner grocery store in the 1950's.

To hear me, or my dad, or anyone else with a generational history tell the 'when I was a kid' tales woeing the rising cost of living seems, appropriate - sad, but historically consistent at least.

To hear a six year old with five dollars and change saved up in a special box daddy made her and a semi-solid grasp on the names of the actual coins say, "you can't buy anything for just one dollar" with such conviction - worries me.

We have more than enough. We eat well. We play well too. We have each other. We have 'stuff' and we have experiences.

I want that to be enough for my kids. I need them to understand the value of life, not worship the green stuff.

*sigh* -

The Picture Of Spring

2009-03-30T05:56:00.000-07:00

Desensitization

2009-03-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

My kids are desensatized to death.

I know this. They will soften to the idea once they reach the crucial years of reasoning and the ability to grasp abstract thinking. I mean, 'heaven' isn't such an easy place to rationalize.

They shrugged their shoulders when Tigger ran away. (presumed dead)

They had a few questions, then an "ok - that's too bad" when Ginger dissapeared forever.

And why would they think to cry and despair about a dead cat, requesting a burial in the backyard and to put special toys in the box? They speak with equal candor about Emma. THIS POST the most recent example of how The Comedian minces no words - or concepts.

Our remaining cat, sweet Sally, is pregnant. We have no idea when she's going to deliver the babies. (any of you know the gestation period for a cat??)

So... we sit around the dining room table and vote on the size of the litter. I say 4, hubby 6, the kids agree on 5. Then the question that struck me silent, "Mom, will all the kittens be alive or will some die?"

"Uh............................................" was the best I could manage for a good 30 seconds. Then I decided on the truth. It was something like this, "I hope they will all be alive, but I have known of kittens that died."

Their response? (In a very business-like tone) "Well, if they do die at least they will have Emma to play with them."

A smile was the best I could manage. My kids are ten times wiser then I ever will be.

/i/ before /e/ except after...

2009-03-18T15:34:00.001-07:00

SEE HERE!

I have a bone to pick with the current educational system because it seems that Kindergarten is the new First grade!

Let me just say before I delve into a rant that as a certified teacher of the Deaf and a trained Reading Recovery teacher I do understand a few things.

I get that our over all nationwide scores - sucked. I do. And - that something needs to be done.

I understand that teachers are pressured to "teach to the test" - as it were.

I even comprehend that pre-schools are trying to fill the gap and become the "new" Kindergarten. (For the record, I acknowledge...but don't like it one bit! Pre-school should be a play-based exploration of the world and how to socially interact with other children who also want that toy just because Johnny picked it up one whole second ago - but that is another rant entirely)

But, humor me the sarcasm when I ask you, have our children mentally developed any faster? Have all the preservatives, hormones, and stimulants in the food that is so readily available to us created six year old brains in five year old bodies?

No?

Then why - pray tell - are we asking them to do this kind of work at younger and younger ages. Why are they doing, *ack - I can barely type the word as a daughter of two life long whole-language teachers* phonics workbooks and ...(brace yourself) SPELLING TESTS before the Easter holiday? Feast your eyes on exhibit a - b- and c, but you'll have to squint because I REALLY need a new camera.

I'm sorry, but I just can't get behind it. For a child that struggles with perfection and the need to be first, at all times, this finish-this-book-and-I'll-throw-another-at-you approach is just not effective. It doesn't encourage her to slow down and check her work. It doesn't allow her to *woah* make mistakes by listening to sound and, say, spelling 'sky' - 'sci'. And, seriously if I have to read one more variation of "Is the cat in the pan? No! - Is the pig in the wig? Yes!" with a fake sense of enthusiasm, I think I'll commit myself.

Don't get me wrong, Bear L.O.V.E.S it. In fact, the cloze exercises affirm her so much that she is the only child in her class to have moved into a blue book. Great. Fab. Wonderful. WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN????

I know I can only fight one world awareness battle at a time, and I am also well aware that changing the educational system so that each child gets instruction playing to their learning strenths and not their weaknesses is a pipe dream of the grandest proportion, but a girl can dream, can't she?

This one obviously does. In fact, last night I dreamt of a pin sitting on a fin. - aaaarrrrrggghhhh

(Blogger is being a major pain in the you-know-what and won't do my spacing right - sorry for the tough read!)

Show and Tell - Is It Easy Being Green??

2009-03-15T04:47:00.000-07:00

The Comedian has been up to her typical tricks and hysterically funny behavior since I returned home! There has been a lot of theological speak,

" *Sigh*" (as she pushes her wild and crazy hair out of her face for the tenth time) "God gave me a lot of hair."

And, in desperation to play outside on a warm Spring day she scoffs, "Why did God make Spring late ths year? I need to 'have a chat' with him." (that is my we-need-to-talk-about-something-important language coming back at me - ha!)

But before I left, there was an atypically quiet moment from my chatty girl. I went looking for her and found this.

I ran for the camera, snapped the picture - then asked, "Comedian, whatcha reading about." Her response?

I bust up laughing, imagining all kids of witty subtext. "HOW many plastic bags to grown ups use a day?" just the first to pop into my mind. I mean, the possiblities are endless were I to ask you to label the picture!

But then, I stopped and really looked at her face. That glazed, exasperated, uncomprehensive look is exactly how we are all feeling right now about this country, right? The economy, the environment, the reality that people are still harming others with intention.

But more than anything, I wish that could be our face for our missing kids. I want to carbon copy that face and hand it out to newly bereaved parents to put on whenever someone says one of those overly insensitive things they always say, Oh - you're young, you'll have another ~ Oh, better that happened now and you didn't really know your baby ~ Oh that was God's way of protecting you from a lifetime of heartache.

And, seeing that my Comedian has a self-proclaimed direct line to the big man in the sky, I pray that in years to come she forgeos words, instead using that classic expression to defend a sister's existance she never met - to a peer that doesn't get it.

Go ahead - try it on - it feels kinda good.

What is the rest of the class Show and Telling?

The Butterfly and The Rock-Stones

2009-03-12T07:25:00.001-07:00

No - No, this isn't a catchy new title for, yet another blog. But, it wouldn't make a bad monniker for a classic rock band, would it?

No. It really is a simple case of this girl,

Reading this book,

And saying, "But we love Emma - but she died - but she died to the rocks and the bush and the stones."

This parenting after loss thing is complicated. But for now, Ms. Comedian - yes - Our Emma lives in the rocks, and the stones, and the bush. And - of course - in our hearts.

I Miss My Monkeys!

2009-03-06T04:58:00.000-08:00

I really do. I know they are well taken care of - (Go Super-Rockin' Daddy!) - but I can't keep my mind from wanderding to what I would be doing if I was home at this time. (finishing carpool - by the way)

Ok - I'm off to register for the conference!

Q and A with The Comedian

2009-03-03T08:24:00.001-08:00

Father's Q: "Hey Girl! Did you just climb out of the gutter?"

Comedian's A: (in all seriousness) "NO! I came from the living room!"

(FYI- She had just woken from a nap)

Show and Tell - Sisterhood

2009-03-01T05:12:00.000-08:00

Ah - sisterhood. The word resonates with me for so many reasons.

I don't have a sister.
I wasn't in a Sorority, therefore - never part of a sisterhood.
Definately was never in the in-crowd, leading to cliques of sisters.

But - here...in this land of strong women and missing children I have found my sisterhood!

Many thanks to Martha for this award. The price of induction was high, but I truly am grateful to have all of you in my life.

So here are the rules: Put the logo on your blog and/or post.

Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude.Be sure to link to your nominees in your post.Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog. Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award.

This is hard, as we all - even when in our greif trenches...have a great attitude!

Thank you:

LisaDG of Hot Mama Bear's ... - Who introduced me to this world. It was her words and leadership that led me to my blog. She has suffered, but remains hopeful. Go hope with her.

Ezra's Mommy - Who has recently taken some sharp turns in her grief leading her to a place of tentative hope.

Antigone - Who took the fact that life as she knew it would never be what she planned, and has made the most sweet tasting lemonade out of the most bitter lemons I've ever seen.

Kathy of Three of a Kind... - Who, together with her husband and son, memorialized Ms. Molly with such tenderness as they enter a new pregnancy with high hopes!

Dora of ISO, the Golden Egg - Who is just...Dora. Always there with the right words, the right actions and the most affirming friendship actions ever!

Monica of Knocked Up, Knocked Down - Always, always - regardless of the subject matter has something uplifting or funny to say.

CLC of Please Give Me Back My Heart - Who is anxiously awaiting the birth of her Rainbow Baby in four short weeks. Click over and give an encouraging word!

Amy of Where to Go From Here ... - Who is one of my biggest cheerleaders from afar! She even picks up the phone an calls to make sure I remember which sisterhood I belong to!

No Swimmers - Who is currently vacationing in Mechico 9 weeks pregnant! Go have a swim!

What are you Showing and Telling?

Stiches Out!

2009-02-25T14:52:00.000-08:00

I've always enjoyed watching sports on tv - baseball, football, basketball even. But it is an understatement of the grandest proportions when I say I am not very skilled at playing them.

Therefore after uncurling Bear's strongly locked fingers from her seatbelt, one by one - multiple times as she clung to the fabric screaming, "Noooooooooo! I woooooon't go in!", then dragging her in the office door - only to be currently playing an extended game of one-on-one... left me at a great disadvantage.

I was winded, sad - I know. But there was no time for a deep breath because my strong, determined, scared-out-of-her-mind 6 year old had nearly beaten my sweating form again. She weaved around me and darted for the door. I got to her just in the nick of time.

(BTW - The Comedian was narrating for all the spectators in the waiting room. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at our current prediciment. We put on a goooood show in waiting rooms!)

Instead - I called out to the two receptionists behind their glass protector who had been watching me for the last five minutes, occasionally smiling a little oh-that is so cute / glad-I-don't-have-to-deal-with-it smile, then pretending to be very busy, yet again.

"Hey! Sorry to bother you, but is there somewhere we could wait that doesn't have an escape route?"

The rest of the removal was fairly tame compared to the physical showdown. There was a fair amount of screaming, full body shaking, and emploring eyes breaking my heart all over again. But, it was done quickly, and - honestly - her anticipation far outweighed the reality of the situation. Once she realized it really didn't hurt, like we had been saying over and over for the last ten minutes, she became as calm as was physically possible.

That said, I was very, very, VERY unimpressed with this doctor. It's not like he blew my socks off when putting the stiches in - but he was empathetic with her. I mean - he didn't like hurting her, did he? But, knowing her history to over analyze and full-body react when given too much time to think about something (ahem - like FIVE days!), he totally dismissed her feelings.

Bear - "It hurts! It hurts!! It huuuuurrrts!"
Doc - "No it doesn't."
me - cringing as I look the other way, but silent
Bear - "Yesssss. It hurts - It hurrrrts!"
Doc - "No. I'm not doing anything to hurt you. Don't be silly. This is the easy part."

The conversation was repeated in many variations, and I became more enraged each and every time he negated my poor little girl's feelings. For crying out loud, doctors of ALL people should understand how Kindergarteners are still developing their ability to regulate social skills, and something might truly feel bad to them, when we - wise(ha!) adults, know that it isn't so bad.

But - you would have been very proud of me. I held my tongue for, even I knew, that reading him a riot act in front of my already panicked child, and my destined-to-retell-with-accuracy Comedian was not a good idea. I will, however, bring this up with him next time I see him. It is just not ok.

So - all is well. Stiches are out. The Comedian's got a new stand up routine. And - mark my words - Bear will never walk in those doors again without adult persuasion! ** Thanks for all your good thoughts and kind words. Knowing you are out there thinking of us really helps!

** - Just wait until we tell her about the tooth that's being pulled at the end of March! *sigh*

Today's The Day!

2009-02-24T08:47:00.000-08:00

She jumps every time I say stiches.

They are coming out today - at 2:45. Think good, non-anxiety thoughts for both of us!

The Comedian is coming this time - Ha! That should make for an amusing re-telling!!

Oh- and be sure to check out the Children's Wisdom Quote for this week above this post. It is a doosy!

I Got The Call

2009-02-19T11:08:00.001-08:00

All parents have something about parenting that scares them half to death. For some it is physical: car seat safety or abduction. For others it is social emotional, wanting to create the perfect environment so their child grows up health, happy and ready to assimilate into the social structure of our wacky world.

For me - it's medical. Regardless of my forehood label: "I parent after a loss" (I swear it sometimes feel like I wear one) - I think this would have been my fear. Add in a fair amount of medical intervention / action with my rainbow baby in her first few years of life and my fear of the medical (read: her dying too) is fairly consistent.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not an overeactor! I'm not - I swear. I have worked very hard to show calm with body and my words so as not to induce her anxiety to kick in any worse that typically does. "Oooooh - You got a scrape. Eh- not a biggie...let's clean it off."

And- just to show that I play fair with this approach. I can even meet some "owies" with humor. I mean, I did run for the camera as I was waiting for our neighbor to come help me pull apart the freakishly hard slats The Comedian got her hand stuck in. "Smile" I said as her hand swelled. (fun fact: coconut wood is HARD AND HEAVY!)

But - the fact is if Oh God - what happened? runs through your mind every time the phone rings then eventually, you are bound to get "the call". Mine came this morning as I was finishing my Turbo Jam workout.
Ringing phone...
Oh God

Check the caller id...register shows from the friend's house
Oh Holy God

Breathing heavily I answered, "Hello?"

She had been sledding. It was an accident. Her cheek met a shovel.

Her panic attack didn't happen until the doc tried to numb the area. Her whole body shook even as he stitched, regardless of the fact that she couldn't feel a thing. As I held her shaking hand, my calm (for I had done very well!) started to fade. It began from the inside out. I felt sick to my stomach as she screamed for me. I was a foot away from her face, talking - singing, but completely unable to help her.

***
My mind travelled. She was one. The birthday party was a great success, I thought as I packed our bag for the hospital. The next day I watched through the narrow window as her dad held her. She screamed hysterically as they lowered the mask to her face. I am supposed to be in there. I am supposed to be comforting my child. Oh God - why is this happening? Why can't I help her? And then - she went limp, a rag doll of a body in her father's arms. The surgery took hours, and I held that baby as she came back to life - a myrid of emotions consuming me.
***

The miracle is that at 6 years old, today was our first blood emergency, first stiches. I'm not sure either of us could have handled it sooner. I am quite proud of both of us.

"I think every girl who was so very brave for her stiches totally deserves a special treat, don't you?" I said. And she grinned, as well as half a numb face would allow, as we both bit into our BIG peanut butter cup.

More IS Less!

2009-02-18T09:29:00.000-08:00

I know, I know - this is the common phrase in a swift reversal. And - with regard to sweets, plastic, mass media coverage, portion sizes and just about everything else in this crazy consumeristic world...I happily agree.

However, when the children in my home went from this,

to ...this

at 8am this morning I found the opposite phrase an absolute fact.

I no longer heard "mommy...moooooomy" hollered at the top of some wildly-shrieky lungs from a subsequent room only to find a projectile object hurdling through space to attach on my leg. Instead, like an army with invisible marching orders they divided - oldest two and yougest two - and headed straight for bedrooms.

I waited...but - nothing. They virturally ingnored me for TWO hours! I tried not to feel left out and seized the opportunity to: clean the office, re-set up the old computer to get tax files off it, do two loads of laundry, strip beds, check my email, clean the kitchen, prep a ham for dinner tonight...and then I couldn't stand in another minute.

"Hey!" I yelled up the stairs, "Do you want to go for a walk?" Our walk was lovely and upon arriving home they climbed the riduliously large snowbank, slid down on their butts, and began a chasing game all around our hard-snow covered field. Watching, I realized - THIS is exactly what I had imagined when we looked at the house for the first time.

We looked for homes in December - in Vermont. I know, genious really. It was a blustery day and the realtor was droning on and on about picturing it in the spring with grass when we could actually see the pool, the brook, and ....blah, blah, blah. But I was picturing this - four kids running in the snow covered field, throwing their head back with laughter as one got too close and nearly tagged another.

I had imagined that all four kids would be mine. But, in essence the group I marveled at this morning are as connected as siblings. They are cousins, but with each only one year younger than the next the differencial is barely noticable. They fight like siblings and they love in the same fierce way. And, of course for me, there is the missing cousin - tall, dark haired eight-year-old girl galloping around the field with her long legs.

There was no need for organized projects or well-planned lunches (both of which I had in mind) They just played, enjoying time spent together and I am sure they will remember these days for the rest of their lives. I am so blessed to have this family, and I am learning - within family more really is less - and that is a good thing!

I've got to do this...

2009-02-16T10:20:00.000-08:00

Do you know this book? I love the llama, llama series - and this book impeticular, for the scene little llama creates in the grocery store. I mean, wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all respond to a screaming, paper towel - pasta throwing - orange juice spilling child like this mama did?

That is the first thing I thought when I saw this, an email with "The best commercial in Europe" in the subject line. At first glance, it made me laugh out loud. I wonder if that dad will handle this well? I thought. After all, I have been know to turn to a perfect stranger and say with a committed smile, "Parenting in public is really hard." It is.

But I have to believe that creator of this ad is A) single, B) not a parent, C) a condom maker or (most probaby) D) all of the above. For any parent, gender aside, who has lived through a loss would look at this screaming child in the sweetie section and smile wrily at the fact that they get to discipline a child - what a blessing.

Hmm....can a fictional character be a dbm? How about a llama? Because she handled that frozen isle mess with some measure of tact AND took that little llama out for ice cream afterwards.

Show and Tell - Schedules and Widsom

2009-02-15T05:18:00.000-08:00

My show and tell for the week is my new planner! I just LOVE it and, the fact that it was $3 at the discount store makes me adore it even more!!!

It has countless features that push my organization buttons! Most obviously, the slip-your-own-kids-in-the-front window ROCKS! The fact that there are numerous other locations to slip things in, like business cards, appointment reminders or a little cashola is quite nice too.

I can plan by the month...
Or, by the week...

It has all the typical calendar and holiday features - and is complete with a "support" section in the back - defined as Family and Friends, School, and Babysitter info. This made sense to me, but then I kept flipping.

The section continues with a take out food log, loan information page, "helper contact" (housekeeper, gardener, handyman and the likes - if only!) , insurance contacts, and SIX (yes 6) pages of Gift Record Keeping. Ha! Isn't it fun to think that someone will stop me on the street and hand me a, gift! And I - always being prepared - will whip out my planner and and fancy pen, and record that gift!

Maybe that is why I love my new planner so much. It makes me feel like I live in a world where handymen, housekeepers, and random streetcorner gift givers exist!

Ah-ha! But the BEST feature of this go-here, be there at this time binder is the Children's Wisdom section. It is a weekly quote designed to give a smile - or, occasinally, an outright laugh, seeing as kids say them!

Here are a few random ones for your amusement: (with commentary - of course)

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas." - um ...yeah

"You should never bite your nails after dissecting a frog" - eeewwwwww

"When you put a hot dog in the microwave for five minutes, you don't want to be there when your mom sees the mess." - ha! Unless - of course - I was that mom!

"The law of gravity says no fair jumping up, without coming back down" - lesson learned

And - my favorite of the last two months!

"It gives me a headache to think about all the love stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble" - and how my wise young friend, and how!

And so - inspired by my new, cheap, well-equip, kid showing planner, I am adding a new feature to this blog. The Children's Widsom Quote of the Week will be updated each Monday morning. Some are funny, some are silly, some are touching, and (as demonstrated above) some are a little gross. But, come check them out, because one thing is for sure - you won't escape without a smile!!

Now - I'm off to record that random gift the guy on the corner gave me while you check out what others are showing and telling!

Angelic Connections

2009-02-09T16:25:00.000-08:00

My Bear has always had a connection to the "other" world.

She was a late talker - very late. Her first real word, clear and understandable came from the backseat of the car one Spring afternoon. "Emm-ma" she said, in an uncharacteristically calm voice. She gazed out the window and said it over and over, "Emm-ma - Emma".

This summer she had a moment, where I swear she wasn't herself. It is a very personal story and I would need permission from another mother to tell it. But, succintly put, she can feel spirits - I just know it.

And then, there was the first day of Kindergarten and the red leaf.

She always delivers her world crashing statments with such a cool, poised, matter-of-fact voice. It takes me off guard every time. To be clear - I have always believed that children can see and feel angels and spirits. And so, I have no doubt that she can see and feel Emma. It disarms me because of my internal reaction, and - if I'm being honest - my desire to possess her abilities.

My most recent article in Exhale , Breaking Roadblocks, makes perfectly clear that world-connecting is not in my skill set, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to see her - my sweet girl - just one more time.

Tonight, as I was finishing a chapter in India - The Moonstone Fairy, Bear stopped me with that calm - steady voice she so very rarely uses.

"Mom, I saw Emma last night" she said. I froze, a fairy induced smile still on my face, determined not to let her see what these words do to me.

"Oh?" was my open-ended reply. Whatever she says will be enough. I will not ask leading questions. I will not beg for information.

"Yes. I saw her right here in my blankets. She was here and over there was her crib."

I will not ask...I will not do it...oh - but I want to know.

"She smiled at me mom. I patted her belly and she smiled. I saw her in my blankets."

And then - the flick switched, as it always does - "Hey, how does the chapter end, mom? Come on - read."

My heart is bursting tonight with sadness, love and wonder. My gut is satisfied that we made every right decision when sharing Emma with her sisters.

Show and Tell - The Calmest Party of them All

2009-02-08T04:24:00.000-08:00

My girls were due a day apart. Yup- that's right. When the doctor said, "Congratulations! You are due on February 7th!" I nearly fainted. I spent far too much time ruminating on what life would be like if my children - *@yikes*@ had the same birthday!

And then, I spent even more time worrying about Bear's 2nd birthday party. Would I be in the hospital? Would I miss the whole event? And the question that opened the door for the Comedian to play her first of countless jokes on me, Should we move the party up?

It was pure genius, right? Move the party up TWO weeks, just to be safe and all my bases will be covered. I can enjoy my two year old's party, and then, go labor and deliver a baby! Um...best laid plans and all? Can you see where this is going?

The sweet and sassy Comedian decided to make her appearance, um...TWO WEEKS EARLY and I had a three day old infant at a party for 12 (uh-yeah - you read that number right) toddlers. Thank God for my mother. The event would have been a chaotic, running, screaming, me-on-the-couch-nursing-and-completely-NOT-in-control, hullabuloo if not for her!

And so began the beginning of our totally awesome, but completely unnecessary over-the-top themed birthday parties. In my defense, slightly, is the fact that I combine them. I mean, they are so close and the idea of TWO parties in TWO weeks makes me feel like walking to the nut-house door and committing myself.

Here are the stats:

The 1 and 3 Party

Theme -Dora
Labor intensive factor - EXTREME

This exerpt from her scrapbook says it all! Look closely on the bottom right and you will see the HAND SHOVELED TRAILS my DH went out and did THAT MORNING - Dora Style! (meaning there are dead ends and trap trails, and Swiper even jumped out of one!)

Oh- and there was THE CAKE!

Kid Count: 18

After Math- INSANE

The 2 and 4 Party

Theme - Curious George

Labor Intensive Factor - Moderate (I think I was just sleep deprived and TIRED!)
Kid Count: 12
After Math- EXTREME

The 3 and 5 Party

Theme - My Little Pony

Labor Intensive Factor - EXTREME (I had to take a half-day from school to get all the preparations done in time!)

There was the banner I just, had to make:

The machine enlarged, and hand colored pony for ...pin the tail:

The Cake:

Oh - and yeah...nearly forgot about that REAL LIVE HORSE we fed as a the final ta-da!

Kid Count - 12

After Math - Lingered for WEEKS!

THIS YEAR I GOT SMART!

The 4 and 6 Party

Theme - NONE!

Labor Intensive Factor - VERY LOW!

Kid Count - 10 (including mine!)

Cake? Naw - that has gluten! How about a choice of vanilla or choc birthday pudding?

After Math - Well...just check these pics out!

I don't know why it took me so long to figure this out! Bear had her five friends and they focused with laser intensity on their project for nearly the WHOLE party! The Comedian had two friends who made playdough in the other room and were just so calm and "in their element". I commentated to everyone, multiple times, "Woah- is this the calmest party ever, or is it just me?"

So - a virtual note to myself. This worked. Do it again. (and feel free to re-direct me back to this post next year if I slip into a time warp and decided a THEMED, LABOR-INTENSIVE, EXCESSIVE NUMBER OF KIDS party is on our horizon!)

Now, be sure to see what everyone else is showing and telling! I'm off to teach Sunday School - but PROMISE to visit YOUR show and tell before day's end!

Happy Birthday Baby Bear!

2009-02-05T18:13:00.000-08:00

"It's those early years that are opportunity to teach her what she needs to know to go into the world and be a happy, healthy, compassionate person. We've only got five or six years."

DH and I have said this so many times, usually after an age-appropriate incident deeming discipline or a heartbreaking moment when she learned a life lesson through the eyes of dissapointment.

Six years ago she was born in a snow storm, after 38 weeks of worry and haunting visions of our past. The relief I felt when I heard her cry was palpable. The last six years have flown by. I can barely believe myself as I type this. I know my numbers - six comes after five, but it just feels so different this year. Five was managable, a milestone, the year you get four shots because you go to Kindergarten in the fall.

Six feels murky, undefinable. She's taller and made a full transition to girly girl, complete with stick on earrings, princess rings and varied length necklaces every day. She love peanut butter and fluff sanwiches. She made the transition to gluten free eating last summer and with only a moddecum of frustration. She's exploring the world in her own way, independent of me for a great majority of each and every day. It is a year of exciting transition for her - it is scary for me.

So, for my own sake I need to go back. I need to see that baby who used to rely on me for mostly everything.

Please enjoy these annual shots of my middle child - my rainbow baby. My sweet and salty girl, my cruise director, my time keeper, the generational image of a mini-me.

BIRTH

ONE

TWO

THREE

FOUR

FIVE

SIX

A Game of Cat and Mouse!

2009-02-04T08:14:00.001-08:00

No - I'm not being figurative, deep or my otherwise metaphorical self.

Tom and Jerry hi-jacked my first floor this morning and had a very literal game of cat and mouse. Or - it might be more accurate to call it a game of mouse and cat.

Let me back up. Do you remember this cat?

Right - That's Tigger. The king of the castle for years. He would have caught and killed this mouse in record time. Doesn't he just look like a hunter?

How about this little one?

Right. Ms. Sally. She is the sweet girl that put such a ruffle in Tiggers whiskers that he chose to find a new family. But, before he left, Sally followed him everywhere - picking up a few tricks and rodent catching pointers. (notice I said catching, not killing)

And so - this morning - as I groggily shuffled through the kitchen, in the pitch blackness, and heard a rustle in the pantry, I started. Turning on the light revealed Ms. Sally on the TOP SHELF of our pantry. If you recall - it's pretty high.

She turned - I screamed (everyone was still asleep) and she jumped down with A MOUSE in her mouth, suspended by it's thin little tail.

After I partially recovered, visions of my 10 year old self screaming in panic as a snake fell out of the top shelf of the closet in our downstairs bathroom still swimming around me, the kids came down. (remember - I screamed)

Bear's reaction was much like mine, although far less high-pitched. "Eewwww, I don't like mice. I'm going in the other room. Ick - Sally, you're gross."

The Comedian's reaction? Well - I'm guessing you already know - it was HYSTERICAL. Even I, still shaking couldn't contain my laughter. "Oooooo - Mama, there's a mouse! Do you see it? A mouse." Then in a tone with which most use to speak to babies, "Oh Sally, are you playing with a little mouse? She's soooo cute. I want to pet it." And just when I was about to yell out a reason why petting mice isn't reccomended, she exclaimed - "Eeeeee- it just ran across my toes!!!! It is soooo cute!"

The mouse's reaction to all this, just in case you were wondering, was much like The Comedian's analysis. She (how do you tell mice gender apart?) thought it was a big game! And why wouldn't she, for Sally must have missed the final lesson where you KILL the mouse. They were Tom and Jerry in every way. That damned little mouse was smart too!

It looked much like this.

Sally bats at the mouse.

The mouse moves a bit - then stops - dead still.

Sally stares at the mouse.

The mouse stays still.

The mouse moves, twitches really - to bait Sally.

Sally pounces again.

The mouse scurries, then flips onto her back, paws in the air - playing dead.

Sally stares, then paws at the mouse once, twice...

The mouse holds her ground.

On the third time - she finally plays along.

Sally pounces.

And this went on, through breakfast - through teeth brushing, through hair ties and barretts, through backpack packing and boots and coats.

In fact, as we walked out the door. I yelled to DH who had an appointment later in the morning so was enjoying a rare sleep in, "Hooooney - when you get up Sally might need your help. Bear said, "Eeew." The Comedian yelled back towards the door too, "Bye Sally. Bye Mouse. Have a fun day playing.

Oh- do I love my farmhouse built in 1868!

A Dancing Show and Tell

2009-02-01T10:35:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, I showed and telled (at the other blog) about the best $5 I ever spent on ebay.

Of the many comments, my friend Lori said, "So cool you got such a deal!...Next week, show a video of you dancing, girlfriend."

Well - it has been a couple weeks, and this video isn't of ME dancing (although I am grooving a bit behind the camera - but not too much as to remain steady).

So sit back, relax and enjoy...The Comedian's First Dance Video! (with a cameo appearance from big sister Bear)

Birthday Show and Tell will be next week, when I have sifted through ALL the pictures! But, just to hold you over...here is the Birthday Pudding, with whipped cream and a cherry - naturally!

Pre-Party Pic

2009-01-30T10:13:00.000-08:00

I'm Baaaaaccccck! (See THIS post for the highlights from my trip)The birthday party is tomorrow!!!!

Here is one outfit Bear tested for the event. The whole effect is just so pretty, I thought I'd share.

MANY more pics after the main event! I mean - you don't want to miss pics of birthday pudding, do you?

Happy Birthday Baby!

2009-01-26T16:35:00.001-08:00

The Comedian is 4 today! To quote Martha, (with a gender pronoun switch) "Sometimes I look at her and I can't believe she's mine." Seriously, just look at her. She looks NOTHING like me. (Um - if you've never seen her before - and you didn't figure it out - she's on the left!)And her personality? It might be fair to say there are traits she inherited from who-knows-where that I am acutally jealous of.

She is kind, fair and always willing to share. She is funny, yet able to laugh at herself. The wind blows to the left - she goes to the left. The breeze shifts to the right and she follows. She is a happy, healthy, secure in her choices little girl. She amazes me.

She approached her birthday with her typical , lay-se-fair attitude.

"Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to you..." - I woke her with song this morning. "Oh, it's today? I'm hungry" was her birthday response.

"How old are you today?" Her Nana and Papa asked over the phone. "I don't know" she said. She's said this for days as people inquire. She's convincing everytime. It seems the number doesn't matter to her.

She "Oooooooo'ed" and "Aaaaaaahhh'ed" at every piece of her present, even the wrapping paper. And the look on her face was a perfect mix of joy and appreciation.

The combined party is Saturday. She struggled to create a guest list. "Do you have any close friends at pre-school?" I asked, a few times in different ways. "Naw" she replied with a huge grin, "I'm just friends with everybody". It's true. It's delightful to watch her grow.

I marvel at this gorgeous soul we created who takes the world for what it is and nothing more.
I gawk at her ability to shrug off her birthday like a old man who mutters, "Eh - it's just another day, isnt it?

It is adorable and endearing. It shows her strength of heart. Seriously - she's mine?

Enjoy the show! And be sure to click the video at the end for a guaranteed smile!

Making Strawberry Cupcakes for Preschool

Licking the beater - of course!

Making PINK icing!

Um - testing the pink icing. Who wouldn't?

Taking care of her hunger issue while not being concerned with the gifts right in front of her!

The look of joy and gratitude. The one that melts my heart!

Even at recycled gifts from her sister!

Here's to you baby. May you never change!

Show and Tell - The Top Bottom of the List

2009-01-25T06:22:00.000-08:00

Hey All! Happy Sunday! Do you recall the "top 5 activites demanding great chunks of my time" post from BHB? Well, an honorable mention went to laundry, but now - it's time to REALLY TALK ABOUT IT.

It is an issue. I do it. Really - I do. But, when it's washed, dried and clean...it looks like... this. Not sorted by person or even by small person vs big person. Nope - just a heap of clean clothes in baskets. It stays like that as we pick through morning after morning, on a sock hunt - an underwear mission or searching for that fancy dress we just must wear today.

So, my Show and Tell is ....da da ta da...Laundry Transformation*! (Rhebus Style)

Once upon time there were baskets of

all over the house. In the living room, bedrooms and even in the bathroom. Piles of

signified an empty linen closet. And dressers bursted with

Alas - one Saturday - dear Mama had had enough. Enlisting the help of her two child laborer's they sorted, stacked, donated and ironed (well Mama did the ironing). When they were through, the transformation was impressive. Daddy's

was filled to the brim and the drawers...closed! Mama's

was shiny again, sporting a clean surface and nearly closed drawers. (ignore the rouge blanket - but take note of the donation bag!) And Bear's

looked like this! (for the day anyway - tomorrow all bets are off as she does a great 80's movie imitation when getting dresses - throwing clothes over her shoulder as she picks the right outfit!)

Closets were

and

But before you find yourself too impressed or convinced that the system has changed for all of eternity - The Comedian's

still looks like this!

One Mama can only do so much in one day, right? Now go check out what everyone else is Showing and Telling today.

Child Labor - Part Duex

2009-01-21T15:45:00.000-08:00

A very loud - Heloooo to all you ILCWers. Lest you feel like you walked in on the second half a conversation or can't decode a private joke, here is Child Labor - the original.

A handful of comments later - I wrote of their miminal work that afternoon, but creative construction of a snow-fairy house, for the snow fairies - of course.

And so - the promised pics. Fairy Trails (made using the shovels)The Fairy House (from the backside as I didn't have snowpants on)

"Snow Fairy River" - obviously

And so - today - Bear cheerily hummed some version of "Hi Ho - Hi Ho - it's off to move snow with a shovel I go", while a certain sister is very clearly shovelless!

But don't despair. As I knocked on DH's workshop door this evening, I heard these words a very serious - nearly 4 year old voice, "Very busy working in here!"

Clearly.

The Picture of Child Labor

2009-01-19T06:49:00.000-08:00

Show and Tell - Our Family Gets Smaller

2009-01-18T05:54:00.000-08:00

Hey to all you Show and Teller's this week!

Although we are done having children (and yes - I know that is the first time I've ever said that out loud here - and please...don't hold it against me!) our family has done a nice immitation of a rubber band in past few years.

The additions and subtractions have all been animal related, but lately they have been coming and going at a rapid rate. Check the status reports as you go!

Backstory:

When Bear was a baby (4 mo. old-ish), we agreed to take a kitten - one - but, "Oh, just take the last two! They are brother and sister and the boy is the runt" is what an appealing face said to us at the kitchen door.

Ok - (suckers, right?) - Tigger and Shadow joined our family. (Status: +2 cats)

(NOTE: this is Comedian, not Bear...but the best pic I could find)

They grew and that runt, wasn't really runtish at all. He thrived here! In fact, four years later we had to say goodbye to his sister, after she was hit by a car, but hobbled home. "Wow!" the vet exclaimed, "Her entire hip is diplaced and broken in countless places. She should be in unbearable pain, but she's ...not. It's a miracle." And so, we left that day with an empty cat carrier and sad hearts. (Status +1 cat)

Tigger moaned and searched for about a month. Then seemed to accept that he was alone, the king of the old farm house, and settled in for a loooong reign. His bliss was unattested until last Spring, when our semi-farm existance seemed to shift into an "animal shelter / safe place to live your last years" feel.

Let me couch this by saying, I'm not really an animal person. I have had two cats in my whole life (before all this anyway). The first I inherited by being born into the house. Her name was Lady. She died when I was six, froze under the side porch. I still remember my father pulling her stiff body out. It haunted me for years.

Flash-forward. I'm 10. And then, there was Butterscotch. The kitten I BEG.GED for, for years. He was adorable, orangish, cuddly, but just a bit too friendly! Although I still attest to this day that I locked him in the house on Halloween night, it appears he got out and followed some other, cooler, obviousy-loved-kitties more kid home that night. He never came back. I was devestated. I gave up.

No more pets for me!

But - aha - the pet God's had their revenge on me! I marred the BIGGEST pet lover, not to mention animal tamer, of them all. Seriously, this man is not just a horse-whisperer (although he is quite good at that), he can mentally communicate with ALL animals. They innately trust him. The Comedian received that gift too.

So - last spring a co-worker said how her MIL's dog was going to be "put down" becuause they were just getting too old to care for her. I can't explain my heart-pounding reaction to that news. I was aghast. I asked for a picture. I showed it to my husband. We went to visit the house and meet the dog. We brought Ginger home. (+ 1 cat - + 1 very-old dog)
Summer's here, I'm back waitressing. I come home one night and DH says to me, "Hey! Did you let the cat in?" "Um, yeah - why?" - "Oh, " he said rather matter-of-factly, "He's not getting along with the kitten so well."

THE WHAT?

Short version? He rescued a starving kitten someone dropped off in the barn thinking she would be allright. Sally joined our family. (Status +2 cats - who DON'T get along - + 1 very old-inconntinent dog)

Animal House came to an abrupt halt about three weeks ago.

Tigger had been taking small road trips for a while, 1 or 2 days, then coming home to eat and rest. Three weeks ago he left. Just decided, apparantly, "That house is not big enough for the both of us!" (Status +1 empathetic kitten - + 1 barely moving dog)

One week later, Ginger died. I think you can do the math.

And so - we are back to our original plan - 1 cat. Just not the one we thought we'd have.

Miss you Tigger. You were a good and loyal cat.

Oh - but lest we discount the 10 chickens growing at a rapid pace...here's a current pic. (And - YES - that means the little one made it!!)We sure do love our runts!

It's WAY too quite in there!

2009-01-15T12:03:00.000-08:00

The Comedian arrived home from pre-school, happy and VERY energetic!

"Ready to rest?" I asked

"NOOOOOOOOOO! she replied, "I noooooot want to rest today!!!!!!"

"OK" I shrugged. No biggie - she is almost 4, you know.

"What would you like to do?"

"Color"

"Great." (I exit to the office to check a few things and get stuck looking at a business card design... - in due time - I realize... IT'S WAY TOO QUITE IN THERE!)

Woah! That CAN'T be comfortable!

I do so love this Comedian of mine!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-01-14T06:47:00.001-08:00

"Stop Riding Your Sister!"

2009-01-12T17:34:00.001-08:00

Is not a metaphor in our house.

Show and Tell - Personality "tells"****

2009-01-08T05:44:00.000-08:00

Has anyone ever told you have one?

Well - my kids certainly do! Recall, my post about how DIFFERENT they are! And - yes - I know all parents feel this differential between their children, even twins, so I am by no means claiming to have anything novel here. But, I do thing it is worth demonstrating for a good laugh! And read all the way to the bottom to see what I predict their future jobs to be based on their most current behavior.

Two nights ago I came downstairs from putting the kids to bed. I casually walked into the kitchen mildly dreading the dishes waiting for me. Much to my surprise my cousin was standing there, towering over me, with a "SURPRISE" smile. He is 18, totally cool, and from out of state. "Just up with some buddies for an impromtu snowboarding trip" he said. I, invited them all to dinner the next night.

(Yes - you read that right. I fed three 18 year old boys.)

So, yesterday evening as I was making more food than the infintary could eat because they were not just three 18 year old boys, but three 18-year-old-boys-who-had-been-snowboarding-all-day, I gave my eager to help kids two directions. Well - The comedian's was more of a demand in kind language.

"Oh Comedian, did you make this mess? Please stack everything back up that you knocked off the chair in the office" (she was trying to get another chair for the table)

and

"Bear" (who can handle the breakable things) "Please set the table for seven people. Here is the list of what we need on the table."

This is what happened next in "This is the House that Jack Built" style.

THE TALE OF THE COMEDIAN

THIS IS THE MESS UPON THE FLOOR

LEFT BY THE COMEDIAN

THIS IS THE CHAIR - SITTING BARE. THAT FORMERLY HELD...

THE MESS UPON THE FLOOR

LEFT BY THE COMEDIAN

THIS IS THE MESS - "STACKED" FOR ME - COMPLETE WITH A PROUD SMILE

NOT ON THE CHAIR - WHICH STILL SITS BARE - BUT ON THE FLOOR...

AARGH - I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TAKE THIS MUCH MORE!*

THE TALE OF BEAR

THIS IS THE GRAPH SHE HAD ME MAKE TO KEEP GOOD TRACK OF ALL THE PLATES...AND BOWLS AND SPOONS AND NAPKINS** TOO

WITHOUT IT SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

SHE MADE PLACE-SETTINGS FOR US ALL - COMPLETE WITH DECORATIONS

WHEN SHE WAS DONE, THERE WAS NO DOUBT - THE TABLE WAS SET LIKE A PRO!

READ YOUR NAME - AND SIT RIGHT THERE -FOR BEAR ORGANIZED IT JUST SO!***

*I'm sticking with - stand-up comedian as her future career! I mean, did you see that grin?

**Yes, those are the same napkins that Santa brought!

***A future wedding planner, perhaps?

**** I apologize for the recycled post for S&T. Time was of the essence after playing, feeding, and lulling five kids to sleep today. To those of you who do it everyday - I'm wildly impressed.

Show and Tell - Sledding...The Next Generation

2009-01-04T11:22:00.000-08:00

I don't really like sledding. In truth, I get petrified just looking at the sled preparing to move down the hill at what looks like WARP speed. (FYI - I don't like rollercoasters, 3-D movies or things that spin either.)

I do have a reason....

When I was 4 years old my parents got a phone call to "get to the hospital" because I "had an accident sledding." I was on a flying saucer. (remember those?) I was going-down-the-big-hill-at-warp-speed-AND-spinning! Seriously, who that that would be a good combination?

I hit a tree. I bit nearly all the way through my tongue. (Medical note for the curious: they don't put stiches in your tongue - it just heals but remains disconnected.)

*******
When I was 11 years old I was stupid enough to try sledding again. This time I was riding in a 2-person sled with handles. Safe, right? Um - no. The snow that day look innocuous enough, but a light layer of ice/snow had formed on the suface. I was in the back. When we hit mock 12, my passenger bailed. I froze with fear, gripping the handles alot tighter. The sled did a 180, effectively leaving ME going going-down-a-big-hill-at-warp-speed-backwards-and-screaming.

I hit a tree. I blacked out. The last thing I remember hearing was my friend climbing back up the hill screaming, "Cara's dead! Cara's dead!". Good times.

Do you see a pattern? SLEDDING + CARA = HIT TREE.

So, you can see why I have a minor trepidation about sledding. My kids - L.O.V.E. it. So does my husband. He ups the anti by creating jumps and bends in the track. I, try and control the inordinate amount of fear for my children's lives and the bark of a tree or two -- and take the pictures.

Bear is in the middle (the safest spot I reasoned) between her cousins. They sled together all afternoon.

But, my Comedian wouldn't be worth her salt if she didn't give me at least three mini-heart attacks that day. YES - she went down ALL BY HERSELF!

And attempted to climb up by herself too. She had an assist about half way there.

She thought it would be worth trying to go down on her stomach. (um- did you SEE that hill?) I couldn't watch, but I did capture the smug look on her face afterwards!

"Did you have fun sledding girls?" I asked in an animated voice. They stared up at me with red cheeks and big smiles. "Yup!" They answered in unison.

"Mom" Bear said, "I was going to ask you to go down with me, one time."
"Oh" I replied conversationally, "What did you think I was going to say?" "AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH" she answered, shrugged her shoulders and went in the house.

4 and 6 "In The New Year"

2008-12-31T05:26:00.000-08:00

"How old are your girls?"

I get this question all the time. My answer has become rote, "Four and six in the new year".

I said this last night to a party of four dining at the fancy Italian resturant I work at and they pointed out, with a somewhat obvious tone, "Um - the new year is at hand."

Yes - it sure is. And I can't believe it. I remember uttering other age-related phrases over the years.

"Three and five must be better" escaped my utterly exhausted lips more than an appropriate number of times. The Comedian didn't master the art of sleeping through the night until three. I don't do sleep deprivation well. Neither does Bear. Nuff said.

"They are big for their age." They are. Both are tall and look like they could easily be confused for the next grade up.

And - as you already know, there be a whole-lot-a-bickering going on in the last few months between my nearly 4 and 6 year old souls. "They are searching for their place in this family" I explain to - well - myself really. To be honest - I'M LOST! As an only child, these "typical" sibling behaviours swirl around me like vultures and cause me to cry, "What am I supposed to do?"

"Let them duke it out" my sweet husband replies with an unaffected tone. He's not an only. Right. Commence duking.

However, and I must say this, for all the sibling growing pains stretching our house's patience bubble - for all the stomping feet and slamming doors and high-pitched exclamations of "YOU NEVER GOING TO BE MY BEST SISTER E.V.E.R A.G.A.I.N!" - I have no desire to say anything about what 4 and 6 will look like.

I like where we are. I am grateful for every minute of every age. And while my head might be ready to explode with the substanceless arguements they choose to pursue to near-explosion level, I know wth ever fiber of my being I'd sell my soul to have Emma here, the 8 year old - the oldest sister, asserting her all knowing scowl over them while screaming right along with the crowd.

And so - as another post gets long and rambly...I'll leave you with pictures of my sweet and spicy girls on the days they turned 3 and 5. Not so long from now I will have new pictures, and maybe new stories - but I'm not holding my breath - just breathing in every bit of my children, just as they are.

Show and Tell: Christmas Update!

2008-12-28T06:43:00.001-08:00

Ho! Ho! Ho! Santa came this year with a twinkle in his eye, a belly that wiggled like jelly and a moderate basket of gifts... Um...yes the white napkins are there. Shoot me - but it was just too cute a request! And - uh - stop looking at me like that, YES those are hand me down, bought for a few pennies at a yard sale barbies...but there are a FEW new things in that basket.

and a mildly repremanding scroll. (click HERE and scroll down to read his letter)

I cannot take credit for the eerie glow around the scroll. I guess Santa really meant business!!

The girls thought so too, and for 24 hours the spell held bringing with it calm words, kind hearts, lots of please's and thank you's and the sharing - Oh the sharing - it was enough to melt my heart and convince me that we have done something right on the rocky road called parenthood!

Oh - and here is a picture of my well-behaved family on Christmas.

Don't forget to see what angelic things others are showing and telling!

If you can't beat 'em ... cave

2008-12-23T18:47:00.000-08:00

"Oh - two years apart is a great spread" the random man in the waiting room who asked about my kids said to me as I paced around drinking a cocktail before my cat scan. "Three years apart and there is a lot of bickering and fueding but two years and they are so close, bonded for life."

Really? I hope he's right, but I gotta tell you there is a whole LOT of fighting going on in our house lately. Like - a WHOLE lot and it's conception isn't recent! They fight about everything! They push each others buttons in new and unusal ways. They are nearly 4 and 6. (I mention that in sincere hopes that 4 and 6 is better??)

The most over the top scenario I can give you to accentuate my point happened in the car last week as an ambulance passed us. Our family habit is, see an ambulance or fire truck and we pray for the family in trouble and the workers that are trying to help. (See, we are putting the goodness out there ...yes?) This is what I heard in the back seat.

Bear - "Dear God, please be with the..."

The Comedian - (screeching to get attention) "No Bear. You don't pray to God. You pray to Jesus" (calm now) Dear Jesus, please help ....

Bear - God
Comedian - Jesus
Bear - GOD
Comedian - JESUS

(I'm sure you get the idea. It got louder and screechier until I rocked both their world by telling them that they are related, Jesus being God's son and all, so you could pray to either)

Truly, I hope after their decade of teasing each other incessently, lusting after each other's hair type, stealing each other's clothes and just making each other's teenage years a living hell - I hope they do become the best of friends. I pray they tackle the world as a team, demoloshing any shady character who crosses their path, effectively kicking some butt to protect the other's honor.

But, until that day arrives we need a moducum of peace around here. Buttons need to be un-pushed for a while. So, as much as I struggled with Christmas this year - the giving to receive, the receiving in general, the expectations that kids have about presents, the lack of attention on the REASON we celebrate this holiday, and the just-now-weirding-me-out fact that we lie to our kids about Santa but ask them to come to us about anything...I have decided to C.A.V.E.

If I can't single handedly create a birthday party for Jesus under each Christmas tree complete with a sincere *gasp* from each child as they open a present and say, "Thank you so much! I am grateful for whatever I get", then I might as well use what the kids DO think about to my benefit.

This is the letter that will be accompaning the small basket of unwrapped gifts under the tree.

Ho! Ho! Ho! Miss Bear and Miss Comedian –

It was so nice to see you in Weston with your Nana and Papa. I took your lists home to the North Pole and read them…twice!

I checked my other list too -the Naughty or Nice list. I was happy to see that you were nice when you played alone, but there was a lot of naughtiness when you played together.

I really want you to share nicely. You will see some of the things you asked for and a few other gifts that are meant to be SHARED.

Next year, I hope I see your names in the Nice column – together! I’ll be watching…

Merry Christmas
Santa Claus

Am I going to hell? Well, if I do at least there will be some peace on earth (or at least in my living room) before I get there.

Show and Tell - Patches Abound!

2008-12-21T05:49:00.000-08:00

If you are here from Show and Tell - WELCOME!

Some of you may have seen my previous post, about The Comedian and her EYE PATCH! As it was a nearly wordless wednesday (truly I can't use NO words - it's just not in me) I didn't explain.

She has had glasses for a year to try and keep a "floating eye" from becoming a "laaazzzzy eye". (sorry - kid movie reference). Anyway, at her six month check the machines said that her weak eye wasn't getting any stronger. At the 12 month check they said the same...even with the glasses.

So - here we are. One month of "arrrrgh maty" patches. But, the funny thing is SHE LOVES THEM! "It will take lots of convincing" the doctor said with a you will probably have to put your foot down kind of voice.

Nope. She asks for them in the morning - my sweet comedian girl. And - oh boy - does she LOVE the attention!!

So, for show and tell I present our current "eyedentity" collection - as decorated by both girls and worn with style!

These were decorated by Bear and the pictures below shows The Comedian's creations.

And don't forget, to go check out what else is showing and telling!

Nearly Wordless Wednesday!!!

2008-12-17T05:07:00.000-08:00

(think 80's mega hit tune)..."I wear my sunglasses at night!""I wear my patch during the day!"

Show And Tell - A lot of dough!

2008-12-13T11:21:00.000-08:00

Cookie Dough That is!

What we DIDN'T have was...POWER! Thanks to the ice storm that beat up the North East we were blessed with a snowday to get caught up with our holiday prep! The cookie dough sat patiently until the power returned. We have now eaten more than our fair share and frozen the rest.

Oh - in case you were wondering. Bear is making good old fashioned Choc. Chippers and the small balls are a family recipe: Italian Anise Cookies. They look like this when baked and decorated.

Happy Baking and Eating! And - if you are looking for a good way to walk off some of those calories...try hauling your Christmas tree home, red-wagon style! (he-he)

What are you show and telling?

Thoughtful Thursday - Bear

2008-12-10T17:10:00.000-08:00

Have you heard the theory in parenting that goes..."It's never too early to talk about ____"?

Whatever you fill in the blank with: drugs, drinking, smoking, sex, and any other host of new things I don't even know the names for..."they" say you should talk about it early and often to set the tone of awarness and prevention.

As of yet, or most troubling social confrentation that dissolves our sweet Bear into uncontrollable giggles at the dinner table is, "And when T. drinks, he....burps, then drinks, then....burps some more." (And for my devoted readers from post one of this blog - this is the same first grade boy she has deemed stalker-worthy all year!)

So, the other night, after a bedtime story I thought - she's in a good mood. say something now. something non-challant. Just open a conversation.

Me: "Hey Bear. Has anyone at school ever talked to you about smoking?"

Bear: (thinks a minute - is very thoughtful with a pursed mouth. I am patting myself on the back for being so astute and blah..blah...blah - then she speaks) "Well, we do have fire drills and I know you are supposed to stop (pause for effect) - drop - and roll."

Yeah - she's not ready.